Let's All Make Believe - Oasis

Chapter 50

Seeing my parents was a turning point. I knew they didn't hate me. I knew they hadn't taken Noel's side. Most importantly I knew they weren't prepared to let go of parenting my son. They liked having a son, they were dedicated parents who understood how to care for him, maybe it was for the best if everything stayed the same.

It wasn't going to happen, this reunion I'd pictured when we were both mature enough. Billy wasn't going to be my boy, not while it was their choice. I couldn't even see him let alone care for him.

Liam caught me trying to work out what to do next. "What're you thinking about?"

"I don't know why, even if it could happen, he'd need his own room, his own stuff, change schools, I can't even get Ste in a nursery."

"Room is no issue, there's plenty of schools in Manchester, you can send him to any one of them. The problem's not on our end."

"No, it's all on their mood."

"Wonder what the dad would think? Not that he matters." he added like he wished he hadn't said it.

I looked at him. "Last time you talked about him, you branded him a rapist, why would ya give him a say?" I didn't know anyone was thinking about that man in all of this, he wasn't part of it and he was never going to be. "Now I feel worse cos there's a man out there who don't know he's a father."

"That's why I said. Have you talked about that with your shrink?"

"No, that's long in the past." I brushed it off.

"Not when you won't fucking accept he did wrong. He put you in this mess and he gets to fuck off and do whatever the fuck he wants while you're falling out with your parents over it."

I sighed. "What difference does it make if I look at it as rape, assault, being taken advantage of because I was young or it wasn't because I consented? Either way it shouldn't have happened and I got pregnant."

"They have those laws for a fucking reason. You weren't old enough to decide, whether you don't wanna be the victim or not."

"So you weren't doing it before you turned sixteen?"

"I weren't but me mates who were stuck to people their own age like you're supposed to when you're young."

"He would probably be thinking I wish I hadn't had anything to do with this family. He'd probably stay away just like I do and let them have the responsibility."

"You don't fucking have the choice to stay away if you want owt to improve with this."

"Twice I've been to Leeds and not spotted Marc Almond." I pointed out to change the subject.

"Marc who?"

"Soft Cell."

He rolled his eyes and pointed out "You didn't see any dirty Leeds players or Sisters of Mercy or Chumbawamba either."

It wouldn't have mattered if I had seen any of those people, I didn't know who they were or what they looked like. "You'd be hard pressed to find Noel in Manchester."

Liam gave me a look that said he wasn't going to say anything about that. He didn't even follow up with all the other Mancs I hadn't seen in Manchester.

"I should walk around these places until I meet some of them."

"Or you can wait til we're back together, proper and you can meet them all at the awards and the festivals and all that."

"I'm never going back to those things, no matter what happens."

"What about when you've got to be there as the supportive wife?"