Let's All Make Believe - Oasis

Chapter 21

I didn't sleep at all, all night. I didn't believe it when anyone told me that but this time it was the entire truth. I gave Liam the bed, he really needed it, he slept like a log. I sat in the chair or paced quietly, doing everything to keep Nathan settled and happy.

The midwives came to check on us a few times. Hey insisted I got Liam out of the bed, telling me it was my bed, not his. I told them how jet-lagged he was and how I'd slept earlier. I insisted I'd basically been on bed rest for months since I was put on maternity leave so I didn't need it now. They knew I had a two year old and they didn't acknowledge George as my partner so I don't think they believed me one bit.

Just like they had done hours ago they each told me I needed to put the baby down or he'd never sleep on his own. He'd pretty much been in his cot tray for a few minutes in total, he'd always been in someone's arms unless he was on a changing mat.

I couldn't put him down. He was safe in my arms. If I put him down, if I let myself sleep something might happen to him, someone might take him. It really did happen to babies in hospitals, it wasn't happening on my watch.

When the midwife came in, in the morning I pretended to be asleep in the chair just to make them happy. They'd threatened not to let me be discharged until I'd gotten some sleep so I did what I had to do.

I spent the morning regretting not even trying to sleep. I was slumped in the chair, exhausted and really feeling the effects of giving birth while pretending nothing was wrong.

Peggy and Ste visited in the morning, after breakfast. She wanted to know everything she'd missed.

I spent the whole time trying to joke off Liam sleeping through his first night as a father, making him out to be useless. It wasn't his fault. I didn't give him chance for his baby to wake him up. Liam didn't mind, he was in a much better mood now he'd slept.

She told me Ste was good as gold for her, as he always was. She made out he hadn't stopped talking about Nathan until he had to go to bed and he couldn't wait to get back to see us this morning. He sat with me, looking at his brother, trying to work him out.

When she asked to hold him I gave him willingly. She was full of compliments for Nathan and me. She told me how well I looked and how naturally I'd settled into having another newborn.

While they were visiting a midwife came for yet another check of me and the baby. I was sick of being prodded and measured and questioned so I pushed the issue of being discharged.

"She'll think differently when she gets home with the two of them."

"They always want to go but they soon want to come back." The midwife agreed. "Everything's fine with your checks, you've been to the toilet, Nathan's doing great so... I'll see what I can do for getting you discharged for this afternoon."

"Sound, that's great thanks." I smiled.

Peggy decided to take Ste out for a bit to give us time to settle in at home. I wanted to tell her not to go too far or be gone too long, not to let him out of her sight. I knew she wouldn't ever let anything happen to him but I was still worried to let him go.

Liam went off to the shop to get us some food and probably went for a smoke too. He was giving me a bit of peace to get my stuff together on my own. He wasn't happy when he got back and I hadn't moved.

"Why haven't ya packed? It's time for us to get outta here."

I shrugged.

"Don't just fucking shrug at me. What is it? You were so excited for it a bit ago."