Let's All Make Believe - Oasis

Chapter 75

Once I was cocooned in bed (at Liam's old mancunian home) I couldn't seem to leave it. I kept trying to sleep to hide from facing what happened to baby Noa.

I had worked really hard to keep everything at bay but now I couldn't keep the voices out. They crept in, telling me it really was all my fault. Once someone found me I'd be locked away never to see my children or Liam or Lydia or any of the family or even Delfina again. I wouldn't survive without them but they'll hate me now anyway. No one forgives baby murder.

...

Lydia came and sat on the bed, waking me from being stuck in my mind. "Liam thought you might be here. He told me what happened, eventually. I'm happy I've found you... Are you okay?"

She seemed relieved to see me. She looked like she wasn't sure what to do with me. She had to be hiding her anger and disgust. How could she be so nice?

"I killed my best friend's baby. I'm not okay." I didn't know if she was real or one of them so I admitted it.

"You didn't do anything. You can't think this into happening. It's not possible."

"I did. I wanted a baby gone. A baby died. I caused that."

"Why don't we go home and talk properly?"

"I'm not moving. You're not having me locked up."

"No I won't. We're just going home. In Liverpool, remember?"

"I'm home here. I'm staying here."

"You've been here long enough. It's been a couple of days. I thought you were still with Kenzie until Liam tried to find out how you're doing. We were about to put a missing persons report out."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"No, I am."

"Come on, let's get out of here." She went through Liam's wardrobe before helping me dress with his t-shirt and jumper and the jeans I came in.

I probably still had clothes of my own there but I didn't say anything. It was comforting to wear his gear again. It was like he was hugging me. I needed that. I wished it was him who was here with me.

She tried to get me something to eat but there wasn't much in since no one had been there in a while. She settled for a glass of water, I wasn't hungry anyway. I had a few sips to try to make her happy.

We got in the car and headed home. I sat in the passenger seat looking out the window in a way, feeling exhausted. I wasn't taking the scenery in. I didn't even notice when we got home.

"Let's go." She helped me into the house and into our room. "Should I sit with you?"

"No, I wanna be alone." I couldn't face anyone, not even her.

"Alright." She left and I got back into bed.

No one else was in the house. Lydia already explained she's sent the kids and the dog elsewhere. I was making her rattle about worrying about me on her own. She wasn't supposed to see me like that.

She kept trying to bring me things (food, drink, medication) but I pretty much refused all of it. I didn't need those things, I needed time. When she spoke to me she sounded like a therapist so I figured she'd been getting advice.

"I want to see Delfie." I decided, thinking the dog would somehow make me feel better.

"Okay, I'll let Jamie and Sinead know how you're doing too... Are you gonna be okay while I'm gone?"

"I'll still be right here."

She brought Delfina and she got the dog to cuddle up to me. I thanked Lydia as I stroked the dog.