Let's All Make Believe - Oasis

Chapter 77

In the morning, first thing in the new year, we sat down together. None of us wanted to talk though. We all looked at each other for a while before anyone could speak.
“We don't have to do this. We don't need a meeting cos we're not in trouble.” Liam said, crossing his arms.
“I crossed a line so we do.” Lydia responded in the matter of fact tone of a teacher. “I know Stacy loves you and you, her and we all need to admit it's not in the past.”
“That's not true.” I objected. 
“Just because you want to be with me, doesn't mean you don't love him.”
“You shagged me to find out how we feel?” 
“No, I already knew that. I wanted to see your reactions and you both went right ahead with it.”
“Who would say no to a threesome with two amazing women?”
“Someone who respects our relationship.”
“I've never had a problem…”
“There's a difference between not having an issue and respecting.” she interrupted, making herself heard. “You can't let us be, putting us in this house, putting your family on us and now this.”
“That's not fair, they're our family and your side would've been here too if you invited them.” I pointed out.
“I couldn't.”
“You don't want them to know I'm really the whore who gave it to all the Gallaghers.”
“They'd see it in a second but that's not it, I needed time with them without everything and everyone that comes with you.”
“If you don't want my family you know where the door is.”
“Fucking stop.” Liam called time out before we could break up. “This is about the three of us last night, nothing else. I've never tried summat to interfere in your relationship like you started.”
“I can't give you what you want. I could never do the thruple thing especially with a man. I should find a lesbian who isn't already so attached to someone else.”
“No, I’m not attached to him and I don’t want him in our relationship and neither does he. It was just sex that neither of us started.”
“We all know you'll never be done with him.”
“Y’know when I was just pregnant Noel had me with Jamie one night. He thought there was still something between me and Jamie, that and he wanted a get out if he couldn't handle being a dad. If you’re thinking like that and acting like him cos Patsy’s always had it in for me then maybe we should split up. I don't need someone else who can't trust me.”
“I trust you but do you know how quickly you were for three of us having sex? You didn't stop to think it strange for even a second.”
“I trusted you know your own mind and like I just said, you're not the first to use me for a threesome so why would I try to break it up?”
“Why are you two scrapping over this shit? We had a good time, forget about it now it's over if it's so hard to accept. No one cheated…” Liam tried to stop us.
“You cheated twice in one go.” I responded.
“Patsy won't know if no one tells. It won't come from you when you don't want to talk about it yourselves.”
“You're right, we won't. It was wrong so I won't speak of it again.”
“I couldn't tempt you again, not even a little bit?” 
“Her every day, me, never.”
“Something must've caught you, that wasn't just jealousy.”
“Get over yourself. I just wanted to know what yous two are really like. Now I know you'd go at each other at the drop of a hat.”
“You're shocked? You know we have a kid.” Liam pointed out. “I'm shocked you set us up to shag and now it's a problem.”
“It's not a problem because you have nothing to worry about. We won't do anything like that ever again with or without you.” I tried to assure her.
“I wish I could believe you but I'm sure you already promised Noel so many times and it never matters when it comes down to it.”
“Everything I did to Noel is different. It doesn't mean I'd do it to you. I'm not the same person, I've been dealing with everything that made me behave like that.”
“But it goes beyond grief and drugs and following the band.”
I threw my hands up and admitted what she wanted to hear. “Alright. I love him and that's never going to change and maybe if you wanted to try the thruple thing we'd try it and find out it won't work. We're happy aren't we? We can't be if you worry about him.”
“I don't worry about him.”
“Then can we all drop all of this? We did something stupid, we don't have to go on about it.” 
Liam was sick of talking about everything when Lydia just couldn't accept that it happened and it didn't have to mean anything for any of us. He left to go home, he'd rather try to make amends with Patsy than be around us. It always was easier for him to take off and be in someone else's company. 
If it wasn't for the threesome I wondered how long Liam would have stayed, probably until he had to go on tour. He could've spent more time with the boys. The kids lost out because of something that was nothing to do with them.
I never liked taking decorations down after Christmas and New Year but this year it was even worse. Everything reminded me that Lydia's parents weren't there or that other things happened that shouldn't have occured. Everything around Christmas made it seem magical like it was going to be a perfect week every year but putting everything away proved it was just another mess to clear up. I hoped putting the house back to normal would help Lydia (both of us) forget everything, especially how easily I'd told her to leave as we tried to make sense of Liam's involvement in our relationship. I didn't want to break up with her but I would if she couldn't get along with my family.
… 
Even after Liam was gone things were weird between me and Lydia. It was like she couldn't let it go. It was strange but it wasn't the deal she was making it.
We still weren't sure who did what but she was too embarrassed to get a morning after pill. I tried to tell her how easy it was without sounding over familiar. I didn't take the chance but she did. She didn't want a baby of her own ever but she didn't want to deal with stopping it from happening because that meant accepting she'd been with a man, maybe.
I imagined the mess it would make if she was pregnant with Liam’s child, the family tree had enough strange branches already, this one couldn't be kept  from Patsy and everyone else. Luckily we didn't have to wait long to find out he hadn't got her pregnant. Even after that we were in a strange place.
She made me feel like I should've stopped it from happening even though I wanted it, Liam definitely wanted it and she started it. We were three adults, it didn't really matter. It felt like a trap to see if we would do things together if we were given the opportunity and we failed miserably. 
“Why did you kiss him and stuff if you didn't want it to happen?”
“I don't know. Prove Patsy right.”
“There's nothing going on. We've always been too close for people's liking especially hers. Inviting us into a threesome doesn't show we're doing anything behind your back.”
“Why did you both do it then?”
“For the fun of it. You have to know it was a bit of fun and that's all.”
“I guess it's still a shock to me that there was a man involved, especially Liam.”
“You could bring one of your exes next time.” I joked.
“I don't want anyone else involved. Do you?”
“No, I'm just being silly.”
“I really can't do the polyamory thing, I've had offers before and I won't do it. Not with anyone.”
“Me too. My relationship with Liam as parents is more than complicated enough without expecting him to understand a romantic relationship between all of us.”
“He expected it with you and Noel.”
“There was nothing between him and Noel obviously and we were best friends with benefits and now we're not.”
“Now you're parents with benefits.”
I shook my head. “No, please just let it go.”
There was nothing I could say that could convince her. I couldn't lie to her, I couldn't keep on lying to her about him. I should've listened to everyone who said we couldn't last because of Liam. She wasn't going to listen to a million excuses and give me a million chances.
… 
When it was time to go back to nursery Ste didn't want to. He usually loved it so I jumped to one of the Gallagher men saying something to put him off. I told them not to tell him stories about their school days until he was much older if they had to tell them at all. I wanted him to have every chance to love school in the way we didn't. I sat him down to find out what was going on.
“Don't wanna go to school.”
“You’re not going to school for almost a year, when you're nearly five and when you do it's not so different to nursery. You'll like school with all your friends and new ones and learning so much stuff.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, you have so much to learn and it's all waiting for you in school.”
“What is there?”
“Space, dinosaurs, animals, numbers, words…” I tried listing off the things he'd be excited by.
“But it's more days, all day.”
“It sounds like a lot but we all do it. Me, your dads, Lydia, all of us.”
“Why?”
“Because people used to not be able to learn things and that's not fair so now they let everyone go to school.”
“But I don't want to, I want to stay in nursery.”
“You'll get too big for it and bored of it.”
“I won't.”
“We'll see what you want to do in September then.”
I felt like September was still a long time away but I did need to secure his place at primary school. I was supposed to discuss it with Noel but I didn't want to talk to him and I highly doubt he would agree to the school I had in mind. I was sure he would use this as an excuse to insist Ste live with him or at least need him so he could attend the school he wanted while I wanted him to go to the school his nursery was attached to.
Ste was mardy with me when I took him for his first day of the new term but he was fine again when I picked him up like I knew he would be. I couldn't wait to do it all with Nathan too.
… 
I went over to Manchester meaning to see Kenzie but after dropping Nathan off at Peggy's I went to Guigsy's instead. I hadn't heard from him over Christmas at all. He was too keen to not run into the Gallaghers but he was still supposed to be my friend so I wasn't having that.
“Where were you?”
“I'm not family, Christmas is about family.”
“Of course you are. I wanted to see you.”
“I'm not ready to see the Gallaghers alright? I want some peace now I'm not contracted to be around them.”
“Noel was only there one day, you could've avoided him.”
“What’re you actually doing here? Cos I know you don't care if I see the Gallaghers or not.”
“Okay, I don't, I only care that you're happy. I wanted to make sure you're doing alright.”
“I am and I could've told you over the phone so why visit? Are you doing alright or are you dealing with some stuff again.”
“I'm meant to be checking in on Kenzie but I still can't do it.”
“Why?”
 “If I got pregnant I'd have to abort it knowing she lost Noa.”
“You don’t need to worry about, I don't think Lydia can get you pregnant. Unless…” he waited for me to tell him.
“I'm not pregnant but Liam, twice over Christmas, the second Lydia started.”
“You're lying.” he said, excited to hear it.
“I wish I was.”
“Did she even know her way around a man?”
“She's not a kid, she knows the parts, she just doesn't want to use them.”
“What happened then?”
“Patsy left him with us and I don't know, shit happens, I'm sober and these things keep happening. I must just be a crap person.”
“You can't help how you feel, there's nothing wrong with knowing what you want and having it.”
“There is if people are getting hurt. We could've broke up over it.”
“But ya didn't.”
“I need to watch out though.”
“Give her a free pass. Tell her she can have a night with any ex or crush and then you're even.”
“Except it would need to be many nights and she never would.”
“If you've had the time and the will to go behind her back that many times you should've broke up. There must be someone out there who could give you what you want.”
“No one can give that. I want to be normal. I want to have a partner and only love them. I want to not have Liam and Noel tell me how to feel about them and I go along with whatever they say. I wish I'd turned up at another town.”
“Go on, how would it have played out if you never met us?”
I tried to think about it before I spoke. “I would've found a pair of brothers who weren't at war with each other all the time. I'd fall for one of them, only one of them and that would be it, we'd have a couple of kids and there'd be no drugs or any kind of drama in sight.“
”Until he found out you had a woman on the side who had you smoking weed here and there so he leaves and gets to be a weekend dad. Then you'd start dealing with your Schizophrenia on your own and he'd think you were just acting out.”
“I could've had a normal life.”
“If you'd wanted normal you would've gone to Liverpool and gotten with one of Jamie's mates when enough time had passed but you needed the restart and everything that came with us.”
“No, I don’t think I would.”
“Jamie then, you’d keep seeing him until you admitted to everyone you’re with him.”
“And then hell would break loose. We passed off one time as a mistake and his mum and gran still don’t like me nearly as much as they used to, no one would accept it if we had ever wanted to go public.”
“You had plenty accept going from one famous brother to the next. Dead cousin to the live one is nothing.”
“Actually I didn’t date Liam while he’s been famous, only Noel.”
“I could go to the papers and do an exposé, I know the truth of all the rumours they've ever printed.” He sounded excited by the idea even though he would never do it. “That would solve everything for you. Patsy would leave, Lydia too and you're free to ride off into the sunset with Liam without being the one to cause it.”
“You've been smoking something.” I laughed. We both knew if the truth was going to come out in some big public way, it would have to come from me on my terms. “Here's a secret no one else knows, when we went to see Noel's house for his birthday back in May, he got me to fuck him in his shed while Meg and Lydia were making friends in the house.”
"But you had nowt to do with him for ages. Why would you?” He wasn't surprised but he was confused.”
“He just assumed I would and didn't let me out until we were finished.” I made it sound worse than it was. “Something about me always giving it to both brothers so it was his turn.”
“No wonder you've kept your distance since you broke up. Stay away from him. People think he's funny and clever and that cos he wrote the songs but he's just good at turning everything around to suit him.” 
“If it wasn't for Ste, I would avoid him, I wouldn't have to drag him into Christmas or birthdays or anything. It's crazy cos I think about him having a baby with Meg and I think we'd still be together if I'd just gotten pregnant when he wanted.” 
“You'd have had to try to fall out with Liam again and stay with Noel, getting ill while dealing with them, a toddler and a new baby.”
“Instead of doing it alone, I'd take all the drama with the brothers. Maybe they would've noticed sooner.”
“How are you doing with all that?”
“I'm in control, taking the drugs, going to therapy, there's nothing to worry about with me so will you tell me about why you're not in Oasis anymore.”
“I am, I'm still in the first three albums, four with the Masterplan.”
“And you should be on the fifth and the sixth and all the others.”
“But I don't want to be. You got to like Alan when Tony left, you like the new lads, don't ya?”
”That's different Noel made it so I didn't like Tony and you all liked Alan straight away, these two are just replacements cos someone's got to play and Noel can't actually be a one man band.”
“Give it time, you'll get used to them being in the band and forget we were there.”
“Don't be ridiculous.”
I asked him about the football. We didn't pay attention to it over Christmas or even in a while so he was the perfect person to catch me up. Football was this amazing mix of small talk and very important talk. He was excited, he said City were putting win streaks together and we're heading for promotion. They won on Boxing Day and the day after Ste's birthday, I don't know how the Gallaghers resisted checking. They must have looked at the Ceefax at least once while I wasn't looking or got it on the radio in another room. I wished I'd known we could've listened and celbrate together, boxing day would've been more fun that way. Guigsy said he went to the home game, he'd started going again even though he didn't want to distract anyone with who he was.
“We should start going, for the boys. It's not like their dads are doing it.”
“You don't like City, thought the boys were gonna be Reds.”
He didn't have anything to tell me about how Liverpool were doing so I assumed they weren't doing anything too exciting since Jamie wasn't too keen to talk about them either. Neither of them wanted to talk much about the Premier League now the red half of Manchester were leading all the time.
“Obviously but they're gonna need to have both if they're gonna make it in this family.”
“That's true.”
“So, will you take us?” I asked excitedly like a kid asking their parent. “Maybe after Nathan's birthday so he's a little older and it's warmer and we'll be there in time for the promotion party.”
“You glory hunter!” he laughed.
“I don't watch to not want the team to win.”
“Okay, we'll go as soon as it's warm.” he shrugged. “You better be prepared to sit in the stands the whole match, no special box treatment.”
“Yeah, I know that's why I'm waiting for the weather.”
I hoped it wasn't just talk. I really wanted to go with him. We had to remember to do it. Maybe the weather would never be nice for it, it hardly ever stopped raining in this town but we could deal with that.
He made me promise I'd go see Kenzie. As soon as possible, no excuses. He insisted I should know what to say because I lost someone but everything about losing Luke was entirely different to losing baby Noa. I had no clue how to talk to her but I still went over for a little while until I had to leave to pick up the kids and the dog. She was okay. She was being brave as ever, acting like her life and her family's life wasn't over because Noa's was.
… 
My phone went off again, it had gone off so many times I wasn’t noticing it anymore. It was being a pain and I was close to switching the thing off. I wasn’t even checking it nevermind reading the messages anymore. I thought he would’ve stopped by now.
Lydia picked up my phone. “Why’s Liam texted you twenty times?”
“Cos I didn't answer the first one.”
“Why? You always answer texts.”
“Don't wanna talk to him.”
“Why, has something happened between yous?”
After what happened on new year I'd tried to keep contact with him at a minimum and strictly about Nathan and this wasn't so I was trying to avoid it. I'd even been sticking to texts so she could see nothing inappropriate was being said, not that she looked unless I showed her. I didn't know how Lydia was going to react and I didn't want to upset her again.
“No, he said he'd text inviting us to one of their tour dates and I couldn't be bothered to deal with it so I’m ignoring it for now.”
“Us?”
“Yeah me, you and the kids.” I said, although Liam just said you and I assumed he meant all of us.
“Won't Patsy be there?”
“Probably.” I didn’t know whether she would be or not, they kept going between fighting and the happy couple according to the papers so which we were going to get was a mystery. 
Being so far away from London, so far away from all of them, there was a lot we didn't know. It was good, not knowing all those little details of their relationship. 
“Won't that be really awkward?”
“Why’d you think I've not answered? What are we supposed to do, pretend Nathan’s Noel’s kid? I'm not doing that for the rest of his life.”
“You can't just ignore him though.”
“I know.”
 “D’you want to go?”
“Yeah, if you do.”
She started dialing and put the phone to her ear. She decided talking would be easier than trying to text back and forth with him.
“No!” I tried to stare her into putting the phone down but she walked away, waiting for him to answer.
She came back a few minutes later and gave me my phone back. I asked what he said. “At first he thought I was trying to stop him talking to you but after he got over himself, he invited us to a gig in Paris in March.”
“Paris? March? Why?”
“It’s the first one after they’re back from Japan. After that they’re in America and then all the festivals so it’s pretty much this or Bolton in July.”
“What about you missing work?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s during the Easter holiday.” she shrugged. “I should be okay?’”
 “So we’re going to Paris?”
“Let’s do it.”
We thought about taking the boys but we didn’t know who would look after them during the gig if we did and we hadn’t been anywhere without them so we decided it was best if they stayed at home this time. We didn’t want to distract the singer and the guitarist by bringing the boys there. We didn’t want drama but we both knew there could be drama we didn’t want them to see. We had to hope someone would agree to take them and the dog. 
Lydia’s mum agreed to have the boys and Delfina since it was sort of the university’s break time too. I made sure she knew Peggy, Sinead and Jamie were going to be around to help since we were going to be gone almost the full week.
… 
Noel called to tell us Meg was in labour, a few times as things progressed. I wondered why he was calling us of all people so many times, I assumed it was because I'd done it before including once with him so I was assuring somehow even though I really wasn't interested in hearing how it was going for either of them.
He called again when the baby was finally born. He had a baby girl and he sounded really happy about it. He hadn't said if he had a preference either way but Meg had gotten him to wait to find out (he didn't know, he couldn't stay silent if he did) so maybe he wasn't allowed one. He announced her name was Anaïs which I liked because I hadn't heard it before and it wasn't a reference to the Beatles like Penny or Eleanor.
The boys had a sister. That meant going to meet her. I'd already taken them to meet their brother months ago but this was different. In another world she could've been our baby. I didn't know how quickly we would have our second baby and if more would come after that.
We went to see the baby once she was brought back to their home. We thought it would be better to wait so Meg could be more recovered and settled than Patsy was when we went to see Lennon. Everyone could have the chance to be more relaxed that way.
Just like before with Lennon I explained to the boys that they had a sister and they were about to see her just before the meeting rather than letting them be excited and having to think about it for too long before they got there.
Although I hadn't had quite as bad of a time accepting this pregnancy as I had Patsy's I still didn't really want anything to do with the baby just yet. Lydia happily fussed over the new baby and the boys were interested in their new sister but I sat back waiting for the visit to be over.
It was uncomfortable watching Noel with his wife doting over his baby daughter after the way he'd treated me early on in the pregnancy, the way he thought he could tell me what to think and feel about him and anyone else. She was always going to get to see the good in him, be his daddy's girl and all of that not knowing what he was like with people he didn't love unconditionally.
… 
The year of the Dragon started on the 5th of February so everything shifted to celebrate the new year just like it had done last year. I was all in, in celebrating since we didn't get to have Christmas with Lydia's family. We were lucky to have something else to celebrate to bring us back together. We did it all last year but I still had to learn it all, the different meals, the red envelopes, this year specifically Chinese dragons are not like Western dragons. 
I decided to make a dragon with the boys with boxes and toilet roll tubes and paper. I thought we'd done a good job until Lydia pointed out Chinese dragons didn't usually have wings, ours looked much more like a Welsh one. She helped us make one that looked more like the dragon we were supposed to be celebrating. Lydia and her mum thought the original was really cute though along with the drawings of the other animals in the zodiac and lanterns and anything else related to the holiday I could think of.
It felt great to have time with Lydia and her mum that somehow we didn't have enough of, even though she was the closest to us of all our family. After New Year I was convinced she didn't like me and would rather Lydia be with someone else but it wasn't true. She liked me, she liked my boys and she didn't know much about us but we were family for as long as I was with Lydia, maybe even longer. 
Doing all this gave us (me and Lydia) time to forget our mistake and get close again so we could enjoy each other again without having a cloud over us. We were ready to have fun again.

Author Note- Sorry for the loong wait again. I completed 2 more Assassins Creeds and I'm into another one and completed all but 2 Red Dead Redemption MP trophies. The next chapter needs to not take so long because stuff is going to go down. I know I said that abuot this then just repeated the same thing like 5 times but you'll see.
I meant for Stacy to go see Paul's new girlfriend but ended up deciding it had to be Guigsy. They announced some fans are gonna be allowed in stadiums again soon so I had to have them talk about going.
I feel like I copied Gilmoursgirl’s new book by sending them to Paris even though it's a different time but I wrote this idk how long ago way before anything else in the chapter. I need to figure out more things for them to do on their holiday.
I didn't want to write everything for Chinese new year like last time but I didn't want to skip it either, it was supposed to be Stacy caring about Lydia's things and bringing them together again but she still made it about herself and her contributions to it.