Let's All Make Believe - Oasis

Chapter 37

After that first night sleeping in Liam's bed it became a habit. So did sharing kisses and other things. It was just like old times and it was exactly what I needed. The more we accepted my condition and he thought I was getting better, the more comfortable we were around each other.

At therapy they wanted me to talk about my relationship with Liam but it was out of the question. They knew he was there for me, they didn't need to know anything more.

It was frustrating for them when I wouldn't talk about something but I couldn't see how that was relevant. He didn't do anything to my brain so they didn't need to know about

It was all confidential but I knew how easy it was to get a couple of hundred quid from the papers. As much as I was trying, I didn't trust them. They weren't getting their story from me.

The truth was we were pretty much back together. It was frustrating that we had to hide it just because he was stupid enough to marry Patsy. I wasn't stupid enough to marry Noel so I was free to do what I wanted and I wanted Liam. I didn't want to hide me and him, we shouldn't have to anymore. It was only a matter of time before she was out the way and we wouldn't have to be a secret to anyone.

When we were round Peggy's I decided to read the local paper. I didn't know why, I didn't care what was going on in the area. It was just something to do, something normal people do. I looked at the ad pages, wishing I could buy any of the cars for sale. There was something that really took my interest.

The local primary school had an advertisement for places in their nursery for the next school year in September. Ste didn't live round here so he wouldn't be going to that school but it felt like a sign. They'd put that there for me.

I had to seriously think about it. I didn't want to let my baby go. I didn't think he'd like the other kids. I didn't think he'd like the nursery nurses. I knew he wouldn't like it when it came to them disciplining him.

Peggy saw what I was looking at and decided we should talk about it. "It's a good school that. Are you thinking..."

"No." I shut the newspaper, folded it and put it down the side of the seat. "I wasn't looking at that. I was reading the article."

"We could go for a tour one day, see how you think? It's not far so it'd be an easy one to drop him off and pick him up."

I sighed. "I just don't think it's time yet. When did you send the boys?"

She started talking about each of her boys and their stories starting nursery. I didn't take it in because my boy isn't any of her boys. We were completely different.

...

Sammy burst into the house when I answered the door. Jamie and Sinead followed behind her, trying to get her to stay still so they could detach her lead.

"Look who's here." I announced excitedly, leading them to the living room.

"I bet you're thirsty. Who's thirsty?" I asked as soon as they sat down and said he to Liam.

I went off to get drinks before they'd answered. I was determined to find something that could be a dog bowl for Sammy. She had followed me so I was talking to her all while I was rummaging.

They were talking about me. They were being quiet but I could still hear them. I tried to block it out, I wasn't meant to hear so I didn't.

Once I'd found a suitable bowl I put the water down, showed her and encouraged her to drink. She sniffed at it but she wouldn't lap it up no matter how much I hyped up the "delicious water."