Let's All Make Believe - Oasis

Chapter 33

It was so dark when we left the cemetery. I'd sat staring at the lettering of Luke's headstone, waiting for him to show up for ages. I couldn't force it.

Liam got impatient, he told me to just say what I wanted to say to the grave since it was the same thing. He promised he wasn't listening. I knew he wasn't anyway, his pacing back and forth across the gravel was driving me mad.

When it was time to leave, when I couldn't bear to be there no more, I stood up, grabbed Liam's hand and put my head against his chest. I wanted to cry, I was desperate not to let go. "This is it. I'll never see him or hear him or speak to him again."

"It's how it's supposed to be." He put his arms around me and tried to comfort me.

"Why? Why is it supposed to be like this for me? Why do I get this and you get everything."

"Cos life's shit. It's gonna be different."

"We need to go to Jamie's."

"No. We need to get back, take the medicine and pick up the kids."

He wouldn't let me go. We stood and waited for the taxi in the cold. I didn't want to go back to Manchester, I didn't want to go back to anything.

"Come on then, time to take the medicine." Liam prompted the moment we got back to his.

Again, I stared at the strip of pills. "What if I want kids again in the future? I'd have to come off them and have everything flood back."

"As opposed to just getting fucking used to it all like there's a radio you can't switch off, letting it all get worse til you're fucking sectioned."

"I'm not going to get sectioned, with or without these stupid pills. No one's gonna make me go to hospital."

"I know."

"Stop saying it then."

"Just take them... Being a lesbian means no more kids, you're just stalling."

"I'm not a lesbian."

"Living with a bird then, whatever the fuck you wanna call it."

"I'm not, I'm living with you."

He gave me a look.

I swallowed a pill with a swag of water. "There."

"You can start getting better now." he smiled, completely switching his mood.

I agreed but I didn't know when everything would go away or if it ever would. The doctor couldn't give me certainty that these would be the right ones or the right dose or anything.

"You're choosing him?" George finally spoke. "You promised you wouldn't, you love me. Look at him trying to change you. I love you for who you are."

I chose to try and ignore her. I understood now. She wasn't ever really there and if she was she was toxic to be around.

"I'm choosing Life." I told her as I crashed past her. "I'm gonna be better."

I stayed in my room, trying to process everything. I still couldn't believe all this was true and it was going to be for the rest of forever. I wished it had been drugs, that way it'd be over soon with abstinence since I was never going back to using.

Liam came and found me after a while.

"You alright?"

"I feel like shit. I don't wanna do this no more."

"You've got to."

"I feel exhausted though."

"Go and have a kip then."

"No, I'm not tired, it's just the stupid pills."

"The doctor said you'd get side effects, it'll pass."

"I know but it's not fair now I've just got no energy on top of everything else. How is that better?"

"Give it time to work."

I couldn't do anything but give it time. I already was giving it time.

"The kids are back."

I didn't need any persuading to go to them, in fact I insisted. I needed to be around them. I needed to be normal, for them. I hoped being around them, doing whatever they needed would distract me from the side effects of my new medication.

Both of them were about ready for bed because it was so late. I wished I hadn't spent so long looking back, holding onto the past when my future was with them.

...

The next morning it was late when I got up. I quickly found out I'd slept through a lot of drama that had all been caused by me and my mind.

I heard the post box and found a page of a newspaper shoved through. There was business cards with it too, all journalists wanting to win us over for the exclusive. I took it to Liam and he said there'd been people stood out there all morning.

He'd been rang and told about the News of the World running a fresh story. The article we'd been given. He said not to read it again but I needed to know what they'd come up with.

Liam's old flame living with him in his Manchester abode. The reminder that I'd recently given birth to a second Gallagher. How he escorted me to a hospital visit as well as our trip out of town. This time they did some real digging. They knew stuff about me. They figured, going by my past records that I had to be struggling with postnatal depression or even postnatal psychosis. The only bit of the article that wasn't crap was the space spared to explain the two conditions, it was nice of them to have a shred of decency to inform their readers in that sense. And why Liam was so interested in my mental state? The baby had to be his and his marriage was dead in the water. Both parties were waiting to serve the other the divorce papers. It was almost funny how they could get things right and so wrong

"Does this really say all this or am I having one of those hallucinations again?"

"No, it's all real."

"How can they say all this? I'm not even famous, why waste their words on me?"

"If I react they'll get their fucking.front page that's why." he shrugged, clearly not giving them what they wanted.

I knew how it all worked. I should've been used to it by now but I wasn't when it concerned me. They had no business talking about me or my kids, I never intended to put myself in the public eye and I certainly didn't want it there over this.

"How are you so calm?"

"I've dealt with it all morning. It's boring now." he said. "Fucking everyone's read it and asked what's going on."

"What did you tell them all?"

"I told each person what they needed to know. It's not for me to tell 'em. Patsy didn't wanna have it that it's all bollocks. Fucking shit stirrers."

"Sorry." I didn't know what to say. "They'll get bored soon, won't they?"

Author Note- This chapter's so crap and short cos I've rushed it through cos I've spent all week applying for jobs or writing a new story I'm probably gonna start posting soon. It was meant to be a short story but it's gotten too big already. I probably shouldn't be posting this now just because I need to cos it's Saturday and Acquiesce got last week but I need to keep LAMB going and the next chapter will definitely be better.