Let's All Make Believe - Oasis

Chapter 43

Liam got back into bed after seeing to Nathan's crying. He always went and I always tried to stay asleep. He started nudging me. I tried to ignore him, pretending I wasn't awake and I wasn't noticing him. It was like he liked being awake early when he wasn't with Oasis.

I groaned at him. "What? Is Nathan alright, Ste?"

"They're grand."

"Great, thanks for checking on them, they love seeing you first thing in the morning." I tried to actually go back to sleep. Regardless of my mood, I was never happy to be awake. Me and the kids were so lucky to have someone who did want to get up.

"Don't. Let's talk." He nudged me until I rolled over and opened my eyes. "What're ya gonna do to have me for yourself? What did ya mean?"

"First, I'm gonna sleep on it." I closed my eyes although I couldn't really sleep on my back, not that he was going to let me.

"What're you gonna do?" he repeated. "Serve her divorce papers in my name?"

"I don't know."

"You must have summat lined up, you always do." He looked at me like he could see into my mind if he looked hard enough.

"I'm more of a winging it kind of person." I rolled my eyes in lieu of a shrug, looking away trying to make it nothing more than idle thought.

"How are ya gonna wing it?"

"The how doesn't matter. It's the result."

"Me trashed in the papers, everyone we know hounded, Patsy upset. What result?" he demanded

"Honesty." I insisted. I hadn't thought about any of those things. "I can't hold onto the secret. Liam's baby. Liam's baby. Liam's baby. It's there all the time, eating away at me."

It wasn't a voice but a thought that continued to repeat itself from the moment I decided it best to deceive about the dad. I thought I could put it to rest with the total truth.

"No one made you lie, the people you know, know. Fuck everyone else." he took my hand, trying to give his support. "Nathan is my son, I love you both so fucking much. Since when d'you care what anyone else thinks or knows?"

"Since I'm not in the bubble no more."

"What bubble?"

"The Oasis bubble." I told him. "I'm out."

"You're not out. You're just finding your way. Y'don't leave Oasis, ya just..."

He couldn't think how to finish his sentence so I did it for him. "Get cast out."

"No."

"Tony."

He wasn't expecting to hear that name just as much as I wasn't. "You're just guilt tripping yourself."

"I need my confession."

"Let me deal with Patsy on my own terms. Swear I'll tell her."

...

It was a sunny day and Liam was getting relaxed about me going outside so we took the kids to the park. We had to take advantage of the good weather and surprisingly we were about the only ones who'd had the idea. Liam wanted to be active just as much as Ste did.

"I'll be referee." I answered to Liam trying to coax me into playing football.

I really didn't want to try running around, trying to be physical like that. It'd been too long and two kids since I'd played.

"No, you won't. I know your refereeing." He started telling Ste how I'd awarded Anna a goal and not sided with him "cos she fancied her."

It was a fair objection. I didn't ref the game fairly. I didn't entirely know the rules I was meant to be upholding and I definitely hadn't kept my judgement free of biases.