Let's All Make Believe - Oasis

Chapter 67

The day after Ste's third birthday we went back to Liverpool with Noel. He wanted one last day with his son before he went back home. Lydia's dad was in town for the end of the year so she went to see her parents away from all of us. That meant I was alone with Noel which I tried to pretend I was comfortable with.

He wanted to stay until the morning. I wasn't a welcoming host. We didn't have the room for him to stay even for one night and I made sure he knew it. We could be civil, we'd done it since Christmas day but it'd gone on long enough.

"You'll have to share the settee with the dog, it's where she sleeps." I tried to put him off.

"Where does Our Kid sleep when he stays?"

"Liam's never stayed over here." I said hastily. "He stays at his or your mum's and travels."

"Right, I'll manage. You know I've slept on worse."

"Thanks." I said, taking it that he thought our furniture was rubbish.

"I do appreciate you letting me see him. We'll sort summat out for next year to keep it going."

"He wants you here, not me so you'd better stick to it if we do."

"I will. I'm not like I was before." he insisted, I didn't have anything to say until he added "I don't know why he didn't come."

"Cos he's a prick." I tried to mimic him. "That's your usual explanation of him."

"Well yeah." he agreed. "But you've got to remember Patsy's got a hold on him like no other."

"She wouldn't if she knew how he really feels."

"No one knows that. You think you do but you don't, not even he does. Don't you ever feel cheap?"

I frowned.

"Giving our kid your heart, waiting for him, knowing he's with her. Whatever he keeps telling you, it's a fucking lie."

"Liam hasn't got my heart." I denied. "I'm with Lydia."

"Yeah, with her and you'd drop her like hot coal the moment he said you could be together."

"Did you feel cheap when you watched me fall in love with him under your nose and everything else I did while we were together, while you meant less and less?" I tried to hurt him since he'd touched a nerve. "Do you feel cheap having a wife who only married for fame? At least I wanted you for you."

"You didn't want me for fame but you wanted me for drugs and sex just like she does." he laughed.

"Now you don't do drugs and you're not that good at the sex."

"Fuck off! I'm great at having sex. What would you know? You didn't want it and when you did it was only to deceive me."

"I've said I'm sorry. I wasn't ready for another baby and you wouldn't have it."

I dropped the conversation to push him to play with his son. He needed to use the time for what he came for not to argue with me. We said we wouldn't bring up the past.

As he played with Ste and all his new toys I showed him some of his drawings and stuff he'd brought from nursery. It helped me to talk to him to use these things.

He liked all of that stuff. He always was good at being impressed with everything his son did, no matter how small the achievement was. I wasn't so happy when he started questioning whether the nursery was the best he could possibly go to.

"I'm just saying the amount of money he gets off me, he could go private, easy."

"That's it, sign him off to elitism before he's even reached full time nursery."