Sally can wait

this town holds no more for me

April 1997

I was currently in London with the kids for Flos birthday. The whole "family" was here. Me and Liam were still split up and this break we were having was slowly turning into a permanent thing. Peggy kept telling me Liam was lossing it and i was watching him the past few days.

They finally finished recording meaning that Liam was spending all day in the house alone. We were only here for 3 days but seeing Liam like this made me want to change my mind. I was staying with Noel and Meg with the two kids and Liam was furious about it. Not to mention he was off his face.

Hes been so wreckless the past few months and its mostly because of us. Liam was fighting with Noel, actually fighting with paparazzi, he never comes out his house, he looks like shit. He hadn't come up for a few weeks to see the kids. His hair was super long and its was raggy, his beard made him look homeless.

I was currently in Noels house, it was Flos birthday tomorrow and we had the whole day planned. "Where's Liam?" I asked after we were settled.

"Truth?" Noel asked. I nodded worried look on my face.

"C'mere," noel said. I let Lennon go play outside with Megs nephew.

"Noel whats going on i thought he was meeting us here" i said.

"Ive had to take him home, hes off his face Sally, i cant remember the last time he was sober" Noel said making sure the kids couldn't here.

"Jesus Noel," i said running my hand through my hair.

"Look Sally this isnt your job anymore ok" he said telling me what i wanted to hear. It didnt help because i wanted to help him, i needed him safe. At the same time my kids need me, and Liam self destructing was his own fault.

"Im going to go see him Noel" i said. "Can you watch them till i check on him?" Noel nodded and i hugged him. It took him a minuet before he hugged me back and when he did i felt like a little girl again. I was only 25 this year. Noel was turning 30. He had loads of years on me. I was just a few inches smaller that Him. I was tiny compared to Liam.

###

The press were out side Liams as per usual, i didn't want to make a scene. I chapped the door and pressed the intercom. No answer. I pressed the intercom again.

After the third try i got out my keys, i didn't want to use them because its not my house any more but i was worried. I opened the door and walked in.

My heart was pounding, what if i walked in on something i shouldn't have or even worse what if i walked in and he had taken on too many? I couldn't breath, my heart was in my mouth.

He wasnt in the down stairs so i hiked up to the second floor. "Liam?" I shouted, no answer. "Liam you home" still no answer. I opened his bedroom door he wasn't there, he wasn't in Lennons room or Flos and he wasnt in the spare room.

"Liam where are you?" I said to myself. I slowly opened the door to the bathroom. I had a gut feeling and i was right.

On the bathroom gloor was Liam, my Liam, he was pale and chalk white, his hair too long and unkept, his skin looked dirty, he was sweating. His eyes closed. It took me a second. "Liam, Liam, Li, come on," i said slapping him but he wasn't waking up.

I ran to the shower and slapped it on. "Liam, come on wake up." I said but with no responce i had to pick him up. He wasnt heavy, his weight dropping due to all the coke he was sniffing.

I managed to get him up so he was standing againt the wall as i dragged him to the bath, ipulled him down on top of me trying to shake him awake.

I though to muself as i watched the water hit off him. He was dead. He was gone. My Liam was gone. It ran through my head . Its racing a million miles a second.

It was like his life flashed before my eyes. I remembered it all. Playing in nursery with him. Walking to school on the first day with him by my side. Watching him grow up beside me. Starting high school, the time he broke his arm, when his mum left his dad, when leo died and he held me for weeks, my first kiss, the first time i had sex, my first heartbreak. Liam was my everything.

His life flashed before mine in a second.

Because he came flying up afer the second. I was crying hysterically as he was sick before he threw up again. "Jesus FUCKING CHRIST" i screamed. He collapsed again, Onto my chest.

He got his wits about him before he burst into tears holding me. I took a deep breath. Running my fingers through his hair as he cried. The cold water splattering against his back and onto me.

I hated myself, i felt like this was my fault. I had sent Liam into self destruction, what if i hadn't have came over? What if i hadn't been there? He could have died. We lay there holding each other in the shower for what felt like a life time.

###

I finaly got him to stand up, changed and dried. He couldnt look me in the eye, i felt so bad for him, i had all these emotions and things i wanted to talk to him about but his eyes were black. He wasn't talking, maybe he wasnt awake? No. He was just blank. I put him into the bed and went to ring Noel.

"Noel?"

"Sally you said you would be 20 minuets, its been two hours" Noel said angrily.

"Noel its Li," i said trying to hold back tears.

"Sally whats happened? He asked.

I explained everything to him. How i came in and Liam was on the floor passed out. I ended up crying after saying i wouldn't. Noel said he would be over right away.

When Noel finaly made it here and passed the press and into the house he was freaking out. "Where is he?" He asked, a shallowness on his voice as he tried to hide his emotions.

"In his bedroom. Hes sleeping again." I said. Noel nodded before pulling me into one of those hugs he rarely gave. He didnt show emotion but that was his way of saying he was scared for Liam too.

"I thought he was dead Noel, i nearly killed him" i cried into his shoulder.

"Shh, Sally this ain't your fault, you cant blame yourself" Noel warned.

"I feel pure guilty Noel, if i would have heard him out and let him know how i felt, if i hadnt shut him out, he wouldn't have done that" i cried.

"Sally liam didnt try to commit suicide by cocaine you idiot, hes been drinking for days, hes been on more than coke anawl" Noel said shaking me out of it.

"Doesnt stop me from feeling responsible Noel." I cried.

"Look why dont you stay here tonight and me mam can stay at mine with the kids. Shs cant see our kid like that" Noel suggested. I took a deep breath and agreed.

Noel always spoke sence into me, he spoke absolute shite 90% of the time but he alwaysbtold me the truth, he always handed it too me straight, i can see why a lot of people dont like Noel in this industry because when the truth needs told he does it, he doesnt hesitate to tell it like it is, and Liams the exact same.

###

I lay beside Liam in bed, it was around four oclock and he had been out for about 3 hours. I watched his face as he lay motionless, a blank expression on his face. All I could think about was what woulld have happened if we lost him? How would i explain that to Lennon or Flo? How would i be able to live with myself, how would Noel and Peggy cope without him? How would i cope with two kids without him?

So many questions bounced around my head and all of a sudden all i could think about was taking him back. It sounds stupid, fuck. the idea was stupid. He broke my heart but Liam also owned my heart. He was the puppet master.

I couldn't let him self destruct, he needed suport and help right now and i needed to be here to give it. Maybe i could just be here for him. Did i need to take him back. Did i want to take him back? The answer, yes, i did.

But i had to stand my ground and accept that right now Liam just needed his family and i know we arent together but i consider him family, so im his family too and family suport you in times like this right?.