Sally can wait

sour cream

May 2001

Life goes by fast when your having fun, but its so fucking slow when you're miserable. Liam was almost ready to go back on tour. We had been fighting over everything.

It started with me cutting Florance hair.
Then it was that I bought Lennon some new clothes.
Then Liam got into a fight and it was all over the papers.
Then he came home high.
Then i got high.
Then we were arguing over the kids.
Then liam was moaning about Noel.
Then I was arguing over him being a dick.
I got high again.

I couldn't take it any more. He was suffocating me and not in a good way. He was always breathing down my neck. I needed space. Away from family, the kids, liam and FUCKING OASIS. I needed an escape plan.

His prioritys are all wrong. He should be home helping me but instead hes out with his band getting piss drunk and starting fights that don't need to be started.

It was like I didn't even exist sometimes. Like i was only here for one thing. I felt alone. I felt. I felt trapped again. There was no way our of this and god I loved Liam and my kids but honestly my mind was all over the place right now.

We went from happy family's to broken home so fast all the time and I hated to see the kids get cought up in this mess. Lennon was starting to wind down. He was spending more and more time with his mates and he was growing so fast and Flo was just the same. She was getting too big and Liam was missing them grow up and i was too busy being mad at Liam I was missing them grow up too.

"Where's your dad?" I asked Lennon. He shrugged.

"Mummy, is daddy still taking us to the zoo tomorrow?" Flo asked.

"I'm sure he is kiddo" I said kissing her head.

"He told the man on the phone he was doing to uncle noels" Flo said sadly.

"I'm sure you just misheard baba" I said. She nodded. I got up and went looking for Liam. He was no where to be found in the house. I found him outside smoking a cigarette.

I took it out of his fingers and took a draw.

"You don't even smoke" he huffed.

"And you said you would quit." I said back.

"Who's watching the kids?" He asked. His breath was thick with the smell of booze.

"You've been drinking? When you've been home all day?" I said. I had a cheek. I had some margaritas at lunch with the kids.

"I had a few earlier when you was out with the kids." He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Liam, you said you would take them to the zoo tomorrow" I said.

"I will don't worry" he replied. I sighed. Again. No use in arguing with him.

"Whatever" I said putting the cigarette out.

"Where you going" he asked.

"Its late, Flo needs to go to bed" I said angrily. His tone sounding a little to aggressive.

"Why you being so fucking difficult all the time" he asked. I ignored him walking into the house through the kitchen and into the living room.

"I was fuckin talking to you" Liam shouted.

"Good for you, now if you don't mind, Flo needs to go to bed." I shouted.

"Its 8 oclock" he said checking his watch.

"And she goes to bed at 7.30. Maybe if you was home more you would fucking know that Liam" i shouted back.

"Mummy" Flo said scared.