Sally can wait

it's too late

July  2001

Life was so fucked lately. Sally was gone, she fucked off back to Scotland two weeks ago once she lost custody of the kids. She had an incident in June. She got cought with some pills and coke on her and i had to bail her out. We were still married. I hadn't seen her or spoken to her since the court date, she hadnt been right in so long.

God i missed her and Lennon hates me. He said its all my fault his mam left. Maybe he was right. I had to cancel most of the tour and the dates I could do my mum was wathing the kids. Noel was fucking fumming about it but I couldn't do much.

I loved being a dad and music is my life. But the kids had nobody right now and i needed to be there for them. Last time I did this Flo was just a little baby, now she was four. She started school after summer and i was so proud. I was proud of my kids.

I might not show it. I know I'm a dickhead for putting them through hell. i know I dont do them any favours with my stupid antics but we had to be a family now.

Fuck me mam raised me, Paul and Noel on her own. I could raise these two. I just had to get me head down and try d'you know what I mean.

"Dad, where's mummy" Flo asked as i tried to put her to bed.

"Florence we've spoke about this already, yer mams gone for some time out, she'll be back when she's ready" I said smiling at her. Even tho I was dying inside. I felt like I had taken her away from the kids, even though I did.

"has she been naughty?" She asked moving closer to me as I lay on her bed.

"I guess she has been a little bit naughty but she's also just upset about some things." I said. My head was pounding. Why did Sally have to do this. A the didn't have to fucking leave. We could have worked this out.

After I finaly got Flo to sleep I came out the room and into my own. I picked up my cell phone and typed in her number.

It rang out as i sat on her side of the bed. Everythin' always seamed empty without her. I wasnt gonna lie I missed her alot. I still loved her. I always would. I called again. It went to voicemail.

"Sally, it's me again, look I know that I fucked you over but it was for your own good. I love you so much babe, the kids miss you. I miss you. Come home Yeah." I said before flinging the phone off on the floor.

"Dad?" Lennon said as he pushed the door open.

"Sup mate?" I asked him as he walked in. He was my spitting image. He had my hair and eyebrows. He was a handsome little git.

"She aint coming back is she?" He asked. He was old enough to hear the truth. I motioned him over with my hand.

"Look mate. Honestly, i don't know what's happening. I dont know where she is or what she's playin' at but I've been looking for her yeah. Police are looking for her. She'll be alright yeah" I said to him. He looke at me and nodded. But he looked scared.

His eyes were like the same ice blue ones that looked at me the first time I ever met him. That day in the living room when he was only little. I had fucked up alot over the years. I fucked Lennon over the most. He was only a kid but him and his mam were doing alright without me. Now I had fucked over his mam so much she had left.

"Im sorry Lennon" I said to him. I didn't want to cry In front of him for fuck sake. His eyes were clouded over as he looked into my eyes.

"Why?" He asked.

"I was never there for you kiddo, i wasnt there when you were born or for the first five year of yer life. I was young. I was stupid and i was scared of being rejected by yer mam. I had no idea you were even born till I got that gig in Glasgow. Meeting yer mam again was like fate telling me that this was my last chance. Then i met you. I KNEW right away that you were mine. You were beautiful you know." I said. He smiled at me as I moved over to let him on the bed.

"I was even more scared the first time I saw you. You looked exactly like me and i felt like my life had just gone tits up. I walked away. Then i realised that something out there gave you to me for a reason. I promised your mum I'd care for her and you and i couldn't even do that, you know. I fucked everything up and I'm sorry" I said. I promised a wouldnt cry but a did. I pulled Lennon in to my side and hugged him tight.

"Im so sorry for all of this kiddo, i fucking love you" I told him. He hugged me tight.

"I love you to dad." He said.

We sat up all night watching movies in the living room and talking about football and i realised just how big he was now. Not only was Flo starting school but Lennon was 12 this year. He was so grown up for his age. More grown up than he should have to be.

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"Still no word from her then?" Noel asked. I shook my head.

"Nah,fuck knows where she is Noel but she's worrying me. She aint coming back, I've just got this feeling she isn't coming back." I said as i watched Noel make tea.

"Can't be thinking like that Liam. Haven't the police got back to you?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Nah them fuckers dont give a shit about her. At this rate ill be going after thin air." I said as i took the tea Noel handed me.

"What about the wains?" He asked.

"Lennon knows she's got things going on, Flos still to young man. I haven't slept in about a week. She doesnt sleep through the night anymore. She's always pissin the bed. I'm so fucking worried about Florence Noel, she's too young for this carry on" I said. I leaned ones the counter. I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

"Why don't you let me take them for the night, you should sleep Liam. You look fucking atrocious" he said patting my back.

"Nah I dont wanna leave them." I said right away.

"Well let me stay here with you for a while. Just till we find out where she is yeah" he said. I looked at him and he sighed. He grabbed me and pulled me into a hug.

"I fucking miss her like crazy Noel." I cried into my big brothers shoulder. He sighed at me and held me.

"Right this is whats happening. I'm calling a PI. I know a guy who can help us out. Till they can find her ill stay here so you have a hand to help out. Now go get some sleep,- I'll get some shit from the house and pick both the kids up from football and play group or whatever" he said. I nodded.

"Thanks bruv" I said. He gave me one of those "I feel bad for you" smiles as i walked into the living room.and lay on the sofa for a nap.

Time felt so slow. I hadn't has sleep for over a week and now I've actually tried to get some all I could think about was Sally. I just wanted her to be ok. I know things aren't gonna be the same. I know that we aint gonna be together any more. But id make leeway on the custody thing as long as she gets help.

I couldn't help but think that i drove her to that. The alcohol, the drugs and it was all leading to this. Half my life I waited to marry that woman and the marriage didn't even last two years. Fuck we only got married in 99.

I drove her into the ground. I wasnt about to put all the blame on her. My drinking, my drug problems, my affairs. The lot of it
It wrecked her. I wasnt gonna deny that. I blamed myself for a lot of the things she went through.

At the same time. We were always poison when we were together. From the get go. My first mistake in my life was that nieve little 14 year old knobhead sleeping with her. Things were better when we were younger. We didnt have no worries in the world and we were dreamin' big but now we have everything i could ever want but I don't have her.

Sally was all I ever wanted. Even when i pushed her away all those times she was all I needed. Yet when we were together we just broke each other and it wasn't healthy. For her or the kids.

It was dark when i woke up. Noel must have taken the kids out to eat. There was a loud bang at the door. I sat up right away before i trudged over to the door. I felt like shite.

I swing it open.

"What?"i asked before i looked up and saw the two officers standing.

"Mr Liam Gallagher. Husband of Sally Ramos?" The woman asked. My heart sank. Me head got light.

"Yes" I replied.

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