I'm not really that experienced.
For those of you who didn't know this or catch on by now, affection is something I have a hard time showing. I can't really help it, but it just hasn't been the easiest thing for me to express for a long time. Especially romantically (yikes).
I literally only learned how to properly hug someone last year lol. I kinda always did the "pat-on-the-back" hug regardless of our relationship status wether it was dating, talking, friends, odd family member who keeps asking if I remember them from when i was a baby, or my siblings. Apparently, you need to not pat and just enjoy the person's embrace (take tips!Those are a lot better than pat hugs too and if you're taller than the person, it's always really nice as well) I never really learned how to cuddle until this year. I also didn't hold hands since pre-k till this year which is pretty funny considering this happened while attempting to run from an invisible corn-maze killer at 10 p.m (: , but
I think i'm getting better, so thats exciting to think of kinda. It unlocks a kind of emotion i can't really explain. It feels kinda like sitting on a rooftop and watching the stars, wrapping yourself in the coziest sheets you have, and coming home after a long trip all at once. Oh, and maybe a mini Michael Bay movie explosion. I kinda miss it. I've been doing great lately, but I still feel that void of emotion a bit. I miss it, yet every-time someone attempts to pursue me, I cut them off immediately. Thats mostly because majority of these people either have boyfriends already, or are just plain creepy. Sure, being single can suck, but it's never that bad... I got hugged by a non-creepy person/actual friend last Thursday for the first time in a while, and I was shocked. I guess I just kinda thought that wasn't something I really needed anymore till then. Relationships are just overall extremely hard for me. I tend to take my other experiences and use them to reflect on similar present ones. Literally. A couple years ago, a girl I had a crush on had told me my shoulder was too boney so it was difficult to rest her head on. Its silly, but that 7th grade memory still makes me a little insecure about my shoulders lol. I then began working out like crazy for the next two months that year (I know, I know. Sad lover boy Leo). Four months ago, I was in a similar situation and warned the girl I was interested in at the time "my shoulders are a bit boney, so i'm not really sure if it'd be that comfortable for you". Tip: Things tend to hurt a lot less if you point them out yourself lol, so I did. Anyways, it was no problem because she found it funny, and its been an inside joke ever since. Boney shoulders are still pretty nice shoulders!! Another example would be personal space. No person likes to be touched uncomfortably. I'm pretty big on respect. So if I do anything that I personally would find uncomfortable to you on accident, I automatically feel regret and apologize. If theres anything I wouldn't want in a relationship, it's to make someone feel uncomfortable. Though, not everyone finds the same things uncomfortable, so you never know till you ask. Idk... as you can see probably, i'm starting to reminisce.
If the feeling comes again, then hey. It comes. But, for now I'll just keep enjoying the bit of self-love i've recently gained
