I'm distracted again. I'm not sure, but I think I might have non-platonic feelings for someone. While thinking about whether I do or not, I realized i'm really not ideal for dating. Say things were to work in my favor and that would become something. I'm inexperienced and far too uncomfortable with myself to ever go beyond anything physical like hugging or holding hands, so should I really bother trying? I've been focused on my music more than anything, but more friends have been asking if I have an interest in anyone, more often than not, and I guess mentioning that person seems to have made them an actual thought in my head. Generally speaking though, i'm a little concerned/worried about myself. Most people expect physical aspects when in relationships, and I get that. I'm not saying i'm disgusted with the idea, but its just a bit uncomfortable to think of in my current physical state. I mean literally, someone could unexpectedly poke my stomach as a joke and i'd squirm out of my chair or go into panic. As i've mentioned before, i'm a lot more inexperienced than I should be by now, and i'm not sure how that'll affect me in the future when even on T/ older.
Don't get me wrong, I think I'm pretty good when it comes to vocally "flirting" (i put that in quotation marks because I wouldn't really consider it that lol), but I think physically is where everything hits a gray area. I wish there were seminars for this kind of thing too lol. A "How to: Function in Relationships" one would definitely be popular amongst people like myself. Anyways, just a thought.
I'm going to pretty much just work on the project for the rest of the day and not get my mind too wrapped up in this.
