I have a lot of time to think nowadays and going to work in the mornings has definitely opened my mind quite a bit. I've been taking the bus for the past 3 weeks or so, and if I had known how good it was despite what others said, I would've started months ago. Besides it being cheap/really affordable, I get to see a lot.
Being someone who doesn't get out much, its nice. I get to just look at the world around me and think about life while listening to my music. Its pretty healing for me. Doing that for about 3-5 days a week, i've been a bit more relaxed. Being cooped up in a building, just to drive the same everyday road to the next building just feels like a permanent loop. Not only that, but I really like the independence of it. I pay for my fare, and I walk my way over to the nearest stop. Thats more exercise than i'd usually do on any day inside my house or really just anywhere (excluding school gym days of course). During these rides, I get to reflect on my life in a more positive light I guess. It just makes me feel like maybe I can find my way on my own someday, ya know? I'd definitely recommend it to anyone. Its not nearly as crowded either since most people drive on their own.
What i get from it mentally is: everyone is going somewhere. No matter where it is, they have a goal of reaching that place. Big or small. Some have a big job interview, some have to go a hospital, some just want to get some groceries, every now and then work, and some just need to get to a friends' or home.
Regardless of a big or small goal, they intend on getting there. Often i'm the only rider and occasionally accompanied by a few others.
This probably makes no sense, but it just means a lot to me to be able to do something on my own/be in control of something. Even just if that something is just my mode of transportation to work when I have early hours. I've thought about venturing out to places beyond my work, but i'm a little fearful of the idea. I know that no matter what, I wouldn't be lost, but I guess the thrill of "breaking the rules" my parents have in stone for me is just a little nerve wrecking lol. It sounds like one of those things that only ever truly happen in movies or just not in "real-life".
I really want to do things like go to a drive in movie and watch from the trunk of the car,
I want to walk down the street with someone important to me while just talking about unimportant funny things while eating ice cream, and feel comfortable/not give s single crap about anything else.
I want to volunteer at a soup kitchen and hear the stories of some of those people and how they got to the point which they are now, then simply treat them with the same respect they often are deprived of by society for the "homeless" label.
I want to do little gigs and share my music around little local shops, and just live.
You know? I don't want to feel like my life is a never-ending routine. I want to live and learn.
Not only that, but I want to be the person I so badly keep promising myself i will, but then give up. Maybe along the way, I'll find Leo. Even if i don't, I wouldn't really mind either. I'd just be content with the fact i maybe made someone temporarily happy, or made a certain memory a little better for someone.
I think it's really cool to think I could be a part of a stranger's memory or just anyone really.
The thought that someone could one day say "i remember _(insert an event in their life)_ and that one song was playing in the background" or "I remember the smile/words that kid that gave me that day. Little did he know, those simple things made a not-so-great-day not-so-bad" ya know? Or even just to inspire someone.
Maybe a kid could see this and realize not everything is unrealistic or "crazy".
I just don't want to be remembered for threatening people, making people feel like shit, and always talking a big game, and my few occasional fights/ constant arguing. (like in my past). I wasn't terrible, but i definitely wasn't exactly "great".
I'm on that transitional stage of being a better person and have been for the about 5 years, but i'm getting there. I don't intend on leaving this earth till I have seen the person I know I always envisioned and saw in my dreams when I was younger.
This week i'm going to look into volunteering at food banks and attempt to make a better connection with my friends and maybe pursue those other goals i have for myself.
