I feel like this book is like my own little self therapy, so I guess it's about that time that I tell you all what I won't say
Lately, i've been feeling pretty self conscious (apart from the usual self-hate caused by dysphoria). I just can't control myself. When i get energetic, I tend to take things a bit far or do too much. The other day, a kid had called me "so fucking weird" after I had been making jokes with my friends. I then stopped and it didn't really bother me much for the rest of the school day until I got home and it was all i could think about. My friends always have said that to me as a joke, but it never hurt till that random kid did. I guess it made me just remember the looks i get sometimes from my friends when I say something that i'd find funny, and they all find weird. Even my best friend gives me that look when I get too energetic and I guess it just really hit. I try to control it, but it just ends up making people ask me why i "look so sad today" or "whats wrong". I probably sound dramatic, but it does kinda hurt lol. Idfk. No one who I see on a regular-basis really gets my humor anymore or gets my jokes. It just sucks a lot.
I guess on the bright side, I can actually do something about this and try to fix it unlike my dysphoria. Every time I slip up and get energetic or tell a joke, i feel like slapping myself into 2020 and moving far away lol. I just feel like the odd number out, ya know?
I wish I could just be calm all the time and not say stupid shit every time I open my mouth in public, but thats just something i'm gonna have to work on ig
thats it for tonight I think, so goodnight
Sleep well, and stay safe < 3 ily
