I've done it.
I've become exactly who i feared i'd one day become.
I lie,
I persuade,
And i hurt people.
Then, i can't bare the thought of loneliness creeping up my spine once again so I do it all over.
Just for me.
When did the line between "self care" and blatant selfishness slip beneath my feet?
Here i am,
Looking at the numbers on my phone.
The pointless conversations,
The week long infatuations,
Ignoring calls,
And the vibrating.
Each text, each missed call,
Vibrating away in my pocket,
And all i can think of is
Who have i become.
I want to go away and disappear into the night,
But i can't.
For i'm now a slave to my own promises.
Words i should've never said,
Bind me like thick metal chains around my arms and legs.
I try to break free, but whats the use?
The failed attempts are evident on my blistered wrists, and swollen feet.
Each yank, pulling me back with a force so great,
I fall.
I don't want to be here anymore,
I don't wanna do this anymore,
But its no fair.
I can't leave you high and dry.
You're too dependent like a succulent.
If i'm not here to water you,
What will happen?
You try to convince me your thick leaves
will take care of you,
At least until you find a way,
But i don't believe you.
You're lying to me too,
But i don't blame you.
I'd do the same.
