I can't control my anger anymore and i end up lashing out whenever anyone does something that upsets me. I just don't think i really care anymore. One part of me is concerned that i'm going to fuck up my life like everyone says, meanwhile most of me is gladly willing to throw everything away just to feel happy for a little and as if I actually matter to people regardless of how long it lasts. I just don't know. I just feel like shit/i'm being too idealistic about things getting better in two years. Not only that, but it feels like im losing everyone around me except like 5 people (thats including online friends). Idfk. It just reminded me no one really stays i guess and it sucks. I just have felt nothing but anger these past few weeks. If this is how i feel now, i can only imagine how much worse it'll get as time goes on.
Originally written on July 9th, 2018
