Everyone has a lot of baggage. A quote some of you have probably heard me use in the past before is "Everyone comes with their own baggage. I can't carry mine and someone elses' for them."
Today, 7/5/19, i realized after years of living by this, failed relationships, and unhappiness, that that quote was wrong. We grow up thinking that we'll grow old one day with someone and always be happy. Kinda like the movies, really. When we were young, we'd watch cartoons on the TV as our parents argued in the background about divorce or the simplest things repeatedly. Our natural thought is "I never wanna be like that" and we always imagine our future with whoever we're with to be happy days all the time.
In my case, I then got older and the more toxic relationships i got into, the more pain i felt. With that quote, i didn't realize it then, but I was only trying to protect myself by setting up a steel wall. As soon as things got tough, or as soon as i felt any weight, i'd leave. No matter if it'd hurt the person or not, I left for my own benefit. Thats exactly where I went wrong.
You see, when you love somebody, you don't leave when problems arise. You talk to them about it and stay, work it out till there no longer is any. When they're going through something, you reassure them that no matter what, you're still there and willing to carry them till they can carry themselves again. That doesn't mean that you carry their baggage entirely plus your own, but you help them. Maybe carry some for them while they work on the others. A relationship should be more like a partnership. In order for it to work, you need to help each other. I hate to use this example, but almost like a video game i play with zombies (lol i know, cringe a bit). In the game, you're bound to die unless you help each other. We group together and kill the zombies, but sometimes a person takes too much damage and falls down. When this happens, the other members on the team will serve almost as a blockade to protect that person as someone tries to heal them till they can get up and fight again. Other times, we'll be fighting and suddenly get overran. During this, one person might be getting on the lower-side of their health bar. When i see that, I try to clear enough space around them so they can maybe run and get time to heal before they end up falling again.
Weird analogy, I know, but its kind of the same now that i think about it. Thats how it should work. In a relationship, you can't be selfish. It just doesn't work like that, it never will.
With that said, I hope one day I can write in here and tell you guys about the most amazing girl I met and tell you about how i felt on nights we spent watching the sky change, the days we just held each other when things were rough, and all the other ups and downs we defeat together.
To the past amazing people I've been with:
I'm sorry things didn't work out, and I truly do wish you're happy now and don't resent me for who I am now, but couldn't be at the time we were together. I hope you remember to smile and smell the flowers still whenever you pass one. Continue to bloom into the beautiful person you've always been inside and out :)
To the next person I end up with:
I hope you know you're in for a lot, and there probably will be a good amount of bad days, but the good days will outnumber them by far. Through all of them, I promise to try my best to be there whenever you need me, protect you from harm's way, stand up for you when you can't, love you unconditionally, and basically heal you whenever you feel like your world is getting overran or you can't get up again.
See you soon,
-Leo
