You don't control me, Dixon

➊ 19: Doctor Doctor, You Scottish Dream

♤

I look out the window as the mountains zoom past. I feel Daryls gaze burn into me every once and a while, but I ignore it as I watch the trees as the shade fade into highway and forests blur in shade of greens and the sun play in leaves like foxes in the meadows in the woods. Will I see the doctor that had made my life miserable yet livable?

He had made the 28ths of the month a living terror yet I feel if I hadn't had him I would have gone insane, would have ended my own life before I reached my tenths birthday.

Often my father would lock me in my empty room for days before the 'party' and wouldn't feed me.

Yet the Doctor would come and treat me much like his daughter, feed, give gifts, and even on days that my father doesn't host the parties that he would show up much like Santa and give me the human interaction that I desperately craved.

Yet, I hate him for doing those injections, made me deathly afraid of needles inside of me to the point where the past would block the present and make me black out.

The one time that my mum bought me for my check up they had to take my blood and I freaked out, sobbing and screaming incoherent things until I passed out.

If he was there, would I cry and he would embrace me as the daughter he had treated me like, or get angry and punch or slap him.

I vaguely remember the times where the Doctor had injected me with the pain medicine and my father got angry that I had taken longer than usual and started to beat me while I laid, unable to react until the Doctor stopped him.

He had gotten a few punches in before the doctor knocked him out. That was the first month in years that I hadn't had a party.

"Damn, were braking, hold on Luce" Daryl's voice broke me from my thoughts, I grabbed the 'oh shit' handle and braced for the break.

I look over to the man next to me and ask "Do you think its Jim?".

He looks at me and shrugs. I nod and wait till we slow me ore hopping out of the and jogging over to the RV where Rick is going in, I follow with my notebook and pen out. Ready to record his statement.

As we reach the side of Jim that sweating profusely, Rick who is in denial of Jim's state assures "We'll be back on the road soon.".

I sit and take Jim's vitals as I write it down. He's close to the end, he won't last much longer.

Jims who is cringing at every movement shakes his head while he mutters "Oh no. Christ... My bones... My bones are like glass. Every little bump... God, this ride is killing me. Leave me here. I'm done. Just leave me. I want to be with my family."

Rick shakes his head, not wanting to leave the man for dead, but he doesn't know yet that it's not up to him, says "They're all dead. I don't think you know what you're asking. The Fever... You've been delirious more often than not.".

I shake my head and place a hand on Jim's arm and feel how clammy he is.

I look at Rick and shake my head with a frown. I don't want others to die for no reason but I understand that people will die no matter what happens whether you want them to or not.