You don't control me, Dixon

➋ 44: Why? Am I unlucky?

♤

As I walk past the barn that kept the walkers a gleam stopped me. I freeze and look at the house, Rick and Shane -the fucker- were talking while Maggie and Glenn talked on the porch. I have time to check it out.

I close my eyes for a quick second before gnashing my teeth and stormed past the open doors.

The pure stench of death over cake me and I gagged. I snap my mouth shut and force myself to breathe through my nose.

As I regain my baring and glance up the gleam shined on something sticking out the blood-splattered hay. I brush the hay away and gasp.

The notches. To the shining blade that hardly dulls. I'd recognize it anywhere. Twenty-seven notches, I know without counting. I've counted them when I was younger.

Every time she came home there might've been a new notch or two. The last time she came home it had these many notches but the one before the last there was thirteen.

It was my mum's knife. A single fat tear plopped in the ridge. I huff and pick it up, tucking it away. I won't ever give it away again.

Hopefully, I won't have to add notches to that knife for my own kill marks.

♤

As I approach the new couple I heard "It's an easy run."

I passed them and hopped on the back of the car, watching. Why do people get in relationships? Where's the appeal? I mean I know I won't fully understand it but god. Aren't being friends enough?

Maggie huffs and crosses her arms tightly across her chest "Like the pharmacy?"

I roll my eyes and look at Rick who's watching in amusement, I'm guessing he had to do the same with his wife when he was a new cop, strolling the streets while looking for trouble.

I'm betting she still worries when he goes out on runs. I hope so. Rick deserves to have someone look after them. As a deep rumble of a motorcycle erupted I look over.

An angel vest riding into the distance, only to stop a few miles out. I look to the ground as I listen to the couple bicker. I roll my head till a loud crack sounded before I look at the two and call out impatiently "Hey, Maggie? I'll bring him back."

She glances at me seriously and stares me down. My stomach clenches as I stare into her eyes. She finally nodded and allowed Glenn to scramble away. As he stood in front of me he stopped and called back "Maggie, that was different!"

I roll my eyes and hop off the back, shoving Glenn into the back seat before Maggie decides to keep him.

I jump in the driver and start the engine as Glenn leans forward asking shakily "You know you to drive?"

I look back and shrug before looking out the window watching as Rick and Shane seemingly has a heated conversation before he looks over at the car and jolts as he seeing me in the drivers.

He gives me a dad look and I stick my tongue out as I kick it out of the park, I look under the wheel as I find the brake.

My mum tried to teach me how to drive but I kept being stubborn. I know the basics. This car is like my mums. Plus the big one is always brakes while the smaller one is gas. I know that much.

As Rick raises a hand to his friend he walks closer. I release the brake and roll forward. I pretend to panic and I press the gas, jolting us forward.

Glenn starts yelling instructions as Rick stars to jog along the side as he points for the window to come down. I look over to the door to roll the window down before Glenn screams "LOOK AT THE ROAD!"

I freeze and slam on the brakes, throwing an unbuckled Glenn into the front and me hitting my head. I throw the car into park as I rub my head.

That was a bad idea. My wrist hurts.

♤

It was a quick second that the moment I parked Rick banished me to the back as he drove to the local town. It was an awkward silence as if a child was awaiting their punishment for being bad before Glenn blurts that Maggie said she loves him.

I punch him in his shoulder as Rick glances over but looks at the road as he makes a sound to tell us that he heard.

Glenn splutters as if in pain as the tips of his ears turn pink "She doesn't mean it. I mean she can't. I mean-- well She-- she's upset or confused. She's probably feeling, like--"

I sharply cut him off with a bite "I think she's smart enough to know what she's feeling."

He shakes his head two times too many as he mutters "No."

He looks back at me as I give an unimpressed face. He's being dumb. Even me, being me, would get pissed if I told a guy I loved him and he gives me reasons why I actually don't. And if I know Maggie, and I'm pretty sure I do, she'd be pissed.

"No. No, you know what? She wants to be in love, so she's she needs something to-- to, like-- to hold onto."

Rick takes a sharp breath before he puts his hand on Glenn's shoulder as he does his fatherly speech "Glenn, it's pretty obvious to everyone Maggie loves you, and not just because you're one of the last men standing. So what's the problem? "

Rick looks at the road as Glenn hesitates before he sighs and huffs pouty "I didn't say it back."

I whistle sharply and give him a look when he looks back. He done fucked up.

Even Rick made a noise of a 'what the fuck?'

Glenn sighed and slumped in his seat as he explains "I've never had a woman say that to me before except my mom, of course, and my sisters. But with Maggie, it's different. We barely know each other. What-- what does she really know about me? Nothing. We're practically strangers!"

As Rick and I stay silent he continues "But I-- I didn't know what to do with it.
I just stood there like a jerk."

Rick sighed and thought before carefully saying "Hey. Hey, this is a good thing, something we don't get enough of these days. Enjoy it. And when we get back, return the favor. It's not like she's going anywhere."

I tilt my head as a twinge of sadness seemed to be intertwined in the last bit. Suddenly Glenn pops out "Rick? I know about Lori, her being pregnant. I got her those pills."

I freeze and look at them. Lori is pregnant? How is that possible? I mean I know how but why? Why take the risk.

As Rick nods and sighs 'I figured' my head reels. Pills? What do you use pills for? I know my mom was on birth control but that doesn't help after the deed is done.

"Hey, I'm sorry I kept it from you." I lick my lips and blink.

Ricks' knuckles turn white from the steering wheel as he clenches out "Don't be. You did what you thought was right. It just so happens it wasn't."

As they fall into a rut I blurt "How come she's pregnant?"

The air fills with stutters and Glenn pinks. I roll my eyes and snap "I know how kids are made, I had to lecture my mom on being safe, so again, I mean why risk it? Is sex that good that you'd risk the worst?"

The question made them both pinker as they stumble for a question. Finally, Rick blurts "Ask Alec."

I roll my eyes and huff "He's gay, that's not news but if he has sex he doesn't have the opportunity of getting someone pregnant. If you're straight, why risk it?"

Glen at this point is burying his head in his lap as Ricks' neck is red. He throws me a look and says quickly "We'll talk later."

I slouch in my seat. I don't understand.

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