You don't control me, Dixon

➌ 85 - The Voices Need to Hold More Discretion For my Feelings

♤

Again, getting knocked out of my head, Beth grabs hold of my hand, resting her head on my shoulder whispering, "It's ok, I know it hurts."

I stare down at Hershel as he wraps my arm with an almost sad expression. He then looks up and presses my nose that makes me flinch, he releases his hold on my nose and asks, "What happened?"

Letting a breath out of my nose, I glance at him, stiffly breathing, "I told you, I fell."

I watch as he raises his eyebrows in disbelief, 'he doesn't believe you'.

Fuck off, I barely believe myself half the time. Now, shut up.

Glancing at the old man as he hums and huffs at the state of my nose and of how long I waited. Under his breath, he grumbles to himself, "Don't know why you hid in your tower when you should have come here."

How can I even say that, hey sorry, the voices in my head wanted to take control of my body? Had to lecture them.

Like, I can't say that.

'Yeah, you can.'

No, I can't, shut up Shannon.

Sighing, I apologized mindlessly. As I take another breath to sigh again, he shoves my nose back in place and I yelp, grabbing his wrist from inflicting even more damage.

'Ow'

He takes his hand back and I prob my nose, sniffling and patting underneath my nose or signs of blood.

As he struggles back on his crutch, he glances over his shoulder and softly tells me, "Rick wants to talk to you quickly."

'He did this! He allowed it!' Shannon yells making me wince.

No yelling, am I clear? I don't care what the hell is going on. No yelling.

There was a soft sorry from Claire that I ignore and nod to the old man. Fine, but don't get on me if I yell and bitch at him.

'I thought you said no yelling.' That strange one again.

Quickly, the two men switch and almost as if it was predetermined - 'It probably was-', shut that trap Shanny- the rest of the room minus Michonne who chills nearby, leaves.

Well, fuck this.

Quickly, I stand but Rick places a hand in my shoulder that I throw off and face him.

'He did this!' Claire wails.

You're right, but what did I say about the yelling?

He scrubs his hand on his face before sighing as if he was sorry.

'As if...' you are so right Shannon.

He knew of my past, of- of everything and he still was willing to get rid of me like I was garbage.

And honestly, I was too.

'Focus.'

Thanks, Shanny.

As we hold eye contact, he speaks quickly, "I'm sorry-"

"Bullshit!" I cut him off seething.

With the anger of what seems three, it feels like my blood is vibrating. If he meant it, it wouldn't have happened.

As he opens his mouth, I cut him off as I point a finger his direction, "You knew what it meant for me if I went back! Not even just the whips! Everything! The- the-" tears well as I try to shake the thought of that man's hands on my body again.