You don't control me, Dixon

➌ 60- Revelations

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As the months past, it was all the same. Everyone uncomfortable, ready for my eyes to turn yellow and venom to spout from my teeth.

So I more often spent my time outside, exercising and learning skills to help the group that is too afraid to sleep less than twenty feet away.

So I stopped sleeping inside as long there wasn't a heavy snow. I slept in a tree, learning the land that I was refused as a child.

I learned how to throw knives, how to protect myself from the harsh winds that started about a week after we had run.

About a week after they tied me up like a stray dog before finally admitting that I won't turn into a walker in a split second. Thats when I stopped feeling extreme heat and cold.

Two weeks after I stopped sleeping inside. The eyes of everyone making my skin itch and the fire that was ignited that day, flaring its nose when something happens.

Three weeks before I learned how to hunt for the group, the smell of meat being cooked making me ill.

Four since I realized the walkers stopped paying attention to me.

Yeah, trust me, it's freaky.

I found that out in a scary way, I was walking to the closest town when a large herd caught me on unaware. I could only stare as a Walker stared at me in the face before turning, stumbling off. It wasn't till I stepped on a let out a gasp, then it was hell.

But my blood didn't pump, the fire flamed and I could stay calm, it was like I was taking a walk in the park, not fighting a herd, I could practically feel the vibrations in the as they snap their teeth.

Five weeks till I started I'm taking smaller herds before they reach whatever place the group was shacking up.

This is my first journal entry, I know I don't usually write but, I just can't bring myself to speak to them. Lori must be five, six months along. It's hard to tell. But I've been mostly silent for that and practically totally silent for at least one month.

I'm sorry, I'm not sure for what but I am, I feel like I shouldn't feel bad but it's hard not to.

So again I'm sorry, it's night and there's a walker below, not paying attention. Just like everyone else.

Goodbye journal. I guess this is me writing info for walkers.

The walker crawls across the leafy ground, crunching along. I press the back of my tangled hair to the rough bark. Staring blankly at the rising moon, a small flash of bars appear before its back to the sky.

I close my eyes before running my fingers through my hair. Just like it was when my dad took care of me. Unmanageable. Dirty, clumped. Abused.

Before I met Finn.

I allow a leg to swing off the branch, my jeans too tight for my leg now. Since working out my muscles made my fat dissipate and my legs grow hard, so now my pants are too short, too small, ripped, dirty.

Unlike the others, they don't feel comfortable enough for me to go on the trips. Alec and Rick try the best they can but Ricks patience has been wearing thin with me not speaking.

Alec's been better, coming out to talk about what's happening in the group when he's able to get away from Lori, who -he says- feels uncomfortable with him coming out to see me.

I don't know why I just don't leave. I think it's Alec, he's told me of his past, family dying in a crash and being in the foster care till he aged out. He never had a family and now he does. But I know if I left he'd come after me without hesitation.