You don't control me, Dixon

➋ 30: Fucking memories

♤

As I drag myself up the same hill that I rolled down chasing Sofia down.

I clench my jaw as pain radiates from my leg, I bite my lip to keep my whimper of pain contained.

Once I get up the steep hill I pause and rest on my hands on my knees and look up to Rick holding his hand out to help pull me over the railing. I sigh and allow him to pull me over.

I sigh and look at the sky, it's dark. I hope she can find shelter. I look down at my hands, I know that I could have done something.

I could have stayed with her. I look up into Alec's eyes and shake my head. He looks down and nods solemnly.

A weak sob catches my attention and I look at Carol who looks like she would fall if it weren't for Lori holding her up.

With her tear, stained eyes look up at our little group and in a heart-wrenching croak "You didn't find her?"

I lower my head as a child would, as if my problem would go away if I couldn't see it. Yet, it still exists.

A missing child will always be a travesty. Daryl looks up while biting his nail and reports: "Her trial went cold."

Rick spoke right after in a calm and clear voice "We'll pick it up again at first light"

In a moment of silence as they retain this information I speak up as I look Carol in the eye "We are doing the best we can. I will not rest until I can bring can being that little girl back. I swear on it."

Carol stumbles to me and clings to me. I clench my eyes shut as I grind my teeth. She looks up at up at me and begs "You can't leave my daughter out there on her own to spend the night alone in the woods."

Alec walks over and hovers his hand over my upper back as he pries Carol's grip on me and holds her gently in his arms as he try's to convince her "Out in th' dark's neh good. They'd just be tripping ove' themselve'. More people otta get lost."

Carol looks around at the fighters of the group and sobs "But she's 12. She can't be out there on her own."

She then looks at Daryl and whimpers "You didn't find anything?"

Rick takes a step forward, getting Carol's attention calming her "I know this is hard. But I'm asking you not to panic. We know she was out there. And we tracked her for a while. We have to make this an organized effort. Daryl knows the woods better than anybody. I've asked him to oversee this."

Carol looks behind Rick to Daryl and whispers with horror in her voice "Is that blood? "

The three of us look at each other but finally, I submit "We took down a walker."

Carols face crumpled and she hugs herself as she sobs "Walker? Oh, my God."

I sigh and run a hand over my face as I shift my weight off of my leg.

I grimace as needles go down my leg. I need to check on it.

Rick held his hands up and assured: "There was no sign it was ever anywhere near Sophia."

Andrea scoffs and asks with a snarky tone "How can you know that?"

I roll my eyes at her attitude, there's a child missing. Why must she make a comment? We are trying to calm her, not freak her out by telling her we cut the damn thing open.

Daryl shifted and stood calmly as he swore: "We cut the son of a bitch open, made sure."

I close my eyes, yes Daryl, that's how to calm her. I inhale sharply as the mother gasps and weakly sobs at me "Oh God. How could you just leave her out there, to begin with? How could you just leave her?"