You don't control me, Dixon

➋ 38: The Exciting Life of Shit

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I sigh and sit up on my cot, throwing my legs over the edge. Yesterday I had been 'kicked' out after Hershel found that I had gotten rope burns from catching the rope.

He wasn't rude but he honestly thought I could heal on my own and wanted room for more patients, that and he was done with my idiotic behavior and told me to come back when I no undoubtedly would have more wounds.

I could only smile sheepishly and creep out of the room, I shift my rig as the tent flap opened to show Alec.

"Ya slept wit' yer rig on?" I look up and nod. He sighs as I wasn't answering. I haven't really answered since I was screaming from under him.

That sounds bad.

I stand to walk past him but he grabs my wrist, ignoring me tensing, and pulled me out of the tent and near the edge of the woods.

I pull my hand from his grasp and hiss "What?"

He turned in his spot and scrubbed his face with his large hands sighing "Lassie, I am sorry. I dinne want to hurt you."

I rolled my eyes and shifted off of my hip that got stitched. I glared at him from under my lashes. He sighed and glared right back.

"Damnit, Lucy! I'm tryin!"

His face flushed with frustration as he stalked to me, only stopping a foot from me. I look up at him with my face hardened and watch as his race only grew redder and redder to the point I swear he's redder than his hair.

I sigh and lift my chin muttering tiredly "You promised, and you broke it. You promised the last time I saw you, four years ago that you wouldn't ever put me under and that was your first thing to do."

I blinked and turned to walk away but he grabs my wrist, I whirl around as I yank my hand out of his grasp.

I look into his eyes and growl "You don't get to pretend anymore. You don't care about me! You only care about your fucking experiment and making sure that I don't do anything dumb to ruin it!"

He looks at me as his face lost the redness as he stared down at me before he snarls "That's what ya fucking think?"

I scoff as I look at a tree biting "It's not what I think. It's what I know."

I shake my head as I clench my teeth, making sure he can't catch my eye.

"Ya wouldn't let me help ya, even before I knew this. Don't blame me for knowin ya." He scoffs as he turns, I look up at his back.

I lick my lips as I prepare my monologue.

I cringe as my come out small and weak "How could I? I was disoriented and scared. I was cold and I was covered in blood. And then, I see a strange hand and figures huddled around me? Of course, I was scared! I thought that the past four years had been a dream and I woke up, back up in my fucking nightmare! Back with dad! In that cold grey bedroom! Damnit!"

I open my eyes to see Alec staring at me, I ignore the burning behind my eyes and wrap my arms around me as I whisper "And then, you put me under. It in its self was my proof."

I hold a hand to my mouth to hold a sob in as I fight to spit my words out "Until I met Maggie that I realized that I wasn't back. She opened that door and I didn't see Maggie, I saw my mama."

I blink as tears raced down my face "And I thought, I was safe. But then she spoke. And the illusion broke. And I realize that I'm alone, and I'm stuck to be around people that have others that love them and they love them back. But I don't. I'm stuck with all the scars and memories of my parents, some amazing, some scary, and a lot fucking horrific."