You don't control me, Dixon

➋ 33: Flower Crowns Hold no Power

♤

I sit a few feet away from my mother who isn't looking at me. I look to the flowers and pluck one with a broken flower head.

I look at it and relish in the flowery smell that assaulted my senses. I had wished that I could go outside for so long.

Almost two months since my mum was deployed and I was stuck with my father and his friends.

The only good of this was Doctor something long and convoluted. He had told me his outrageously long name the last we met. I was happy to stop calling him Sir Doctor but I'm quite sad I won't be able to see him once more.

I quickly look over to my mum who is sitting awkwardly looking over the flower-filled hills. It was the same place we had ridden the big black horse those years ago.

I look away and cup the flower in my hands. I had read of people making daisy chains or crowns. I find it childish but a bitter part of me want to live as a child even if it's for a mere second.

Finally, my mum cleared her throat and I look at her lips but never in the eyes.

Eyes show anger and bloodlust, how can I look into the eyes of my father and only see hate but look at my mothers?

What will I see, anger, like my dad, or just disappointed?

Will I disgust her in my inability to protect myself? I look at her eyebrows but only them as she sifts her eyes around to anything but me. "How is your back? That was dumb. Um, I'm not sure how to do this."

She paused and not knowing if it was a question I can answer I just stay silent and lightly touch my scarring back.

My mother had been aggravated since the court date about a week ago. The man that caused me endless pain only got five months. Even with the years of abuse, I had documented on my computer.

I look to the daisies and try to link them together but they just won't. I hear a laugh that was soft and like a bird that sang outside my window.

I look up to her confused and met her eyes only to flinch away. Her laughing stopped as she watches as I flinch so hard I felt the scars aching. I grit my teeth but don't show anything on my face.

I watch wearily as she carefully braids the stems together. I watch as her hardened hands delicately played and easily made a large circle. How can hands make for killing be so sensitive?

As she tucked the last stem in, she holds the beautiful circle out to examine her handy work.

She looks up and smiles softly at me as she gently slips the thing up top my head. I look at her in pure fear as she ran her fingers through my knotted and messy hair.

She smiled warmly at me and in my best guess, adjusted the flower crown on my head.

I feel my chin wobble as large tears run down my face. She starts to panic and pulls me into her as she whispers sweet nothings in my ears.

She then pulled back and cupped my face softly trying to ignore my jolting flinch as she wipes my tears away. "What's wrong?"

The water works only started once more as I sobbed "I don't know! Why am I crying? Why are you being so nice?"

I choke as I blurt and wail at her, my cries echoing in the empty hills "Why did he do that to me? What did I do? "

She looks at my wailing form in her arms then pulls me close.