Misunderstood (1) |Remington Leith|

20

I woke up do to a nightmare I was having. Only it wasn't a nightmare, my mind was replaying the first time my dad had hit me when I tried to defend my mother. I check my phone and it read 3:55 am.

I felt Emerson holding me still and I gently removed his arms from my body. I found my shorts on the floor and slid them on, quietly leaving his room and heading down to the kitchen. My eyes felt so heavy and swollen and my ankle hurt like a bitch.

I regretted going down to the kitchen as soon as I entered. Remington was sat there drinking some orange juice and eating what looked like a granola bar. He looked up and saw me, dropping his food he got up and walked towards me only for me to flinch back. I felt my heart ache my eyes gloss over.

" don't touch me Rem" I whisper holding my hands up, I could see hurt in his eyes but what did he expect? That I was just going to run back to him after he hurt me like that. " please just let me hold you baby, I can't fucking sleep and I hate my self for hurting you, please let me hold you just for tonight" he pleaded letting some tears fall. I noticed a bruise on the right side of his jaw where I punched him.

"No please don't touch me Rem I mean it, you fucking hit me where it hurt the most, and you expect me to just let you hold me?" I say my voice wavering.

"I know you slept with my brother" he whispered "and I don't blame you for wanting to feel something else for a little while, but does he really make you happy, if he does tell me now and I'll let you be, please I'm begging you to look me in my eyes and tell me that he makes you feel like I do" He says stalking towards me by know I was crying too.

" I can't tell you that and you know it" i say quietly carefully walking backwards. "Exactly, he doesn't, which means that I'm not going to stop trying to get you back, because you still love me and you and I both know for a fact that no one else can make you feel like I can" he says finally pinning me to the wall making me look at my feet.

"Why, why do you continue to do this, you obviously didnt want me earlier when you where all over your fucking play toy, so why now" I try push him away from me as hard as I can but he doesn't flinch.

" you say it like Sam wasn't all over you too!" He shouts causing me to wince. He never yells at me.
"So what! I wasn't reciprocating the action, unlike you, you fucking asshole, I wanted you not him, at least I can say that" I quietly shouted hitting his chest finally making his step back.

"For Fuck sake Aislin I want you! No one else, I just wanted to make you jealous for once!" He shouted punching the wall behind me making my duck my head in fear.

I let out a quiet Yelp "no baby no, don't be sacred I wasn't going to hit you, I would never hit you and you know that" he cried trying hold me to him only for me to crawl back seeing as I had curled my self in to a little ball against the wall to shield my self. It wasn't him, it was instinct , it had become second nature to react quickly whenever my father was about to hit one of us.

I lifted my head only to see Remington pulling at his hair with hurt in his eyes "I'm sorry it's instinct" i mumble looking away.

"Look at us" he laughs darkly "were a wreck, only you can make cry, only you can make feel so much at once that I don't even know what to do" he shakes his head. This made me look at him. "You caused this Rem, for fuck sake I don't want to act like I victim but it's true, you caused this if you feel so hurt, imagine what I feel, my entire being hurts so bad,my heart aches so fucking bad that it feels like I'm being stabbed over and over and over again, my head is pounding and it won't stop, my eyes feel so heavy that I want to sleep but I can't, because all I can do is relive my most fucked up memories every time they shut, all I can see or think of is you and it's killing me but i won't run back to you not this time," I say. I laughed darkly "I'm a fucked up mess and you knew that from the start, since the first day we met you knew I was broken" I let my tears fall.

"I'm sorry baby, I don't know what else to say I don't think I can put how I feel into words and that's the part that's fucked up" he cries. I let him cry for a while both of us just sitting across from each other. I hear his breathing speed up a bit and look up seeing his chest rise and fall quickly, he was having and anxiety attack.

"i can't breathe" he says Looking at me with a panicked face while holding his chest. I crawl over to him and even though I knew I was going to regret it I held him with his head in the crook of my neck. I ran my hands through his hair "just breathe Rem, calm down you're fine, you're having an anxiety attack, focus on me or you gonna pass out" I tell him,he nods, he was still breathing heavy but it was slowing down. I started humming bulletproof love by pierce the veil, a song so beautifully written yet it was so dark.

" I'm sorry" he finally says looking at me, he was back to Normal. "Don't talk" I tell him. "I'll let you hold me just for tonight, I'm leaving tomorrow I'll stay in a hotel until I find an apartment" I tell him. He lifts his head up and looks at me with anger. "You don't have to leave, this is your house too, we have another room and you know that" he says quietly looking at me with anger and shock that I would even think about leaving.

"It doesn't feel like home right now" I say leaning my head against the wall. "It is though" he says tucking my hair behind my ears, and leaning his forehead on mine making me turn my head. "Don't do that" I whisper putting a hand on his chest.

"Just stop denying my touch Aislin please just stop I can't take it, you're looking at me with such hate right now and it hurts" he chokes out. "It hurts me too Remington,it hurts that I want to hate you but I can't, I wish that I could hate you with every fiber in my body just to make every thing stop hurting but I fucking can't and i hate myself for wanting to hate you"I say silently letting a tear fall only for it to be wiped away.

"Come here let me hold you please" he begs. I did as he asks and i cuddled up next to him. We laid there with my back against his chest and his hands playing with my hair leaning against the wall. I let tears roll down my cheeks. I was only hurting myself by letting hold me and I was hurting him by letting him think that it was okay to do so. But I let it happen because even though He hurt me, it felt right to be in his arms.

"I fucking love you so much baby, please please forgive me" I'm pretty sure he thought I was asleep so I stayed quiet and i felt him kiss the top of my head.

I fell asleep in his arms on our kitchen floor a while later.