In The Dark

Chapter 39

We reached Cole's beach resort and all I gave them was silence. I don't fucking know why I'm acting like this. When Brett told me about fiance, boyfriend or all about the fucking relationship...I feel down.

Naka indian sit ako ngayon dito sa isang recliner habang nakatitig sa mala kulay ulap na dagat at sa malayo naman ay nagiging kulay berde na ito. Clear green. Kahit nandito ako ay kitang-kita ko parin ang nasa ilalim ng dagat. Hindi ko alam na may natitira pa palang ganito kalinis na dagat.

Habang naka upo ako dito ng matuwid sa recliner ay naalala ko kung gaano ako kaswerte dahil nabigyan pa ako ng chance na mabuhay...na makita ang lahat ng nakikita ko ngayon.

I can remember what Dra. Sheena told me.

I stared at her like she's also just a wall and there's nothing in her that'll caught my interest. "Why did you cut yourself? Why plan to leave the world without thinking about the people who loves you?" Seryoso ang boses ni Dra. Sheena pero kitang-kita ko sa mga mata niya ang pag-aalala. And she fucking pitied me when I'm still inside the rehab.

"Why question me? If we can just swap the weights we are carrying..." I trailed off as I look at her boringly.

She caught my attention when she nodded her head. So, she wanted to swap the weights we are carrying, too? Unbelievable! Makikipag palit siya sa buhay na meron ako? Gusto niyang ma-experience? Stupid!

"I lost the womb inside me..." sabi niya kaya napataas ang aking kilay habang nabaling ang tingin ko sa kanyang kamay na hinahaplos ang kanyang tiyan. "You don't know how much I wanted it back." She showed me the saddest smile I've ever seen at a person's face.

Napalunok ako nang biglang tumulo ang butil ng luha galing sa aking mga mata. "Of course, I know. Gustong-gusto ko na maibalik yung buhay ni Daddy." Malungkot kong sabi.

Parang ang komportable na nung malaman ko na nawalan din pala siya. I mean, talking with a broken person like me makes me feel comfortable about sharing my thoughts. Feeling ko hindi niya ako iju-judge. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay naiintindihan niya ang nararamdaman ko.

We both lost someone important.

"And realization hit me...I learned that there's a purpose for everything that's happening around us. The Lord will help us conquer all the challenges that will come our way." Gusto ko tuloy na maidlip sa boses na ginagamit ni Dra. Sheena. Nakaka relax.

"Siya rin ba ang nagbibigay ng problema sa atin?" Sarkastiko kong tanong.

She just smiled at me.

"Huwag kang mag-isip ng ganyan, Melisse. May dahilan kung ba't nangyayari ang lahat ng 'to. Like what happened to me, do you think I can talk to you like this if I haven't experienced losing someone in my life?" Oh, my ghad! I want to hate this woman in front of me. She talks like a pure human. Para siyang anghel at nahihiya ako sa kanya kaya gusto ko siyang kagalitan. I hate the fact that she's so good and she's talking to me. I hate it!

"Kailan ko mararamdaman ang ganyan, doc? Pakiramdam ko kasi hindi..." may halong pait ang boses ko nang sabihin ko ito sa kanya.

"Fuck negativity." Nakangisi niyang sabi kaya nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Allowed ba siyang mag mura?!

"Are you even allowed to cuss?" Shock ko paring tanong. Parang nawala ang intense naming pag-uusap dahil doon.