Ryden Hell: The Sequel

xxii

"You're sure you want to do this?" Brendon asks as they step onto the elevator.

Ryan is quiet for a moment, thinking about the seriousness of what he's about to do. "You know, Bren, I'm really not. But I mean, no turning back now, I guess."

"You can, though, Ry. If you don't want to do it you don't have to. No one's making you."

"I'm making myself. If I don't, it's just prolonging the inevitable, making everything worse in the end."

Brendon doesn't answer, making for a silent elevator ride until the tiny beep when they get to their floor. Stepping off, Ryan begins to feel more anxious than he did before taking his first college final that he didn't study for.

He takes a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut tight, before taking Brendon's hand and seeking out a doctor or nurse.

Finding George's doctor, Ryan tells him what he's decided on. The doctor nods and leads them to the room, asking them to wait outside for just a short moment.

"He'll still be more or less 'awake' for a little bit," he starts, right after leaving the room. "Go on in, say some final good byes. I'm very sorry, sir. I know this is probably very hard for you."

"Thank you," Ryan says, his voice barely audible. The doctor leaves, and the boys enter the room. Ryan feels tears filling his eyes just from the sight of his father laying there so lifeless.

Sitting down, he wills himself not to cry. Not yet. He takes George's hand, holding it as tight as he could. Beside him, Ryan notices the heart rate monitor speed up ever slightly. And then a bit more. And some more. And you get the point.

The only thing running through Ryan's brain is, "Fuck, shit, fuck, shit."

He looks at Brendon, the smallest hint of fear in his eyes. Brendon gives him a sympathetic look, placing his hand on Ryan's back, hoping to comfort him at least a little. Brendon was feeling almost the same as Ryan, really. George was basically a second father to him.

"I love you," Ryan tells his father one last time. The monitor went flat, and Ryan finally let tears fall.

A few nurses file into the room only a minute or two later, beginning their post-mortem routine.

"Ry," Brendon says quietly. "We should go, darling."

Ryan nods, though he doesn't want to leave. He knows that Brendon is right.  They don't talk as they leave, Ryan being too upset to even think about making a noise that isn't some kind of sob, and Brendon knowing that he shouldn't even try with Ryan right now. He should just wait until he's calmed down a little to say anything if he doesn't want to get bitched out.

Brendon tries to ignore the sound of Ryan crying as he drives, but its not exactly easy for him. It hurts him to see, or hear, Ryan like this. All he wants to do is pull over and hug Ryan, kiss him, make him happier. But he can't. Not anymore.

And that is what hurts the most.

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Yall these fucking birds made a nest literally on my window and like can they not
Like every morning
5 o clock
They start fucking screaming
Like im just trying to sleep fam can you shut up

I finally made a nostalgia playlist and I was listening to it last night and I remember most of the lyrics to most of the songs what the fuck
Like some of those songs I haven't listened to since I was 6
Shouldn't my brain be storing more important information
Like how to pass science and history

Daniel drew this weird ass thing and I was really confused when I saw it so I asked him about it and

Like he's right tho its a fucking mood and I love it

Y'all I'm really mad at my algebra class right now
So we're supposed to have a test tomorrow
But she gave us the option to have it Friday cause she realized that it was really easy for all of us
And everyone but like three of us want to have it on Monday
Like fam
We coudlve had no homework over the weekend if we took the test
And we're already behind the other classes so this is just putting us even further back
Its also really fucking annoying because Monday starts spirit week, so classes are shortened
And we have an all school mass
So classes will be like twenty minutes long
Most of the fuckers in that class were finishing the 7 question quiz with five minutes left of the forty minute period
Y'all ain't gonna finish over twenty questions in under twenty minutes