Ryden Hell: The Sequel

xviii

Ryan isn't sure if he should open his eyes or not. Let Brendon know that he's awake, or let it go forever unspoken of. On one hand, making it known would almost definitely make the situation way too awkward for anyone to handle at 4:30 in the morning. And then, on the other hand, if he chooses to ignore it, it could lead to some awkward shit in the future. So, either way, nothing good will come out of anything.

Of course, there is always the option of telling Brendon how he feels as well, but who does that these days?

Brendon leaves, and Ryan almost instantly sits up in bed. "Well, fuck," he mutters to himself. He wonders if Brendon ever would've said that if he knew Ryan was awake. Knowing Brendon, it would probably come out in the form of a, "Wanna fuck?"

There's a million questions running through Ryan's head, such as why Brendon chose 4:30 in the god damn morning. The main one, however, is if he still loves Brendon.

He definitely still enjoys having the younger around, judging by the fact that these past few hours haven't been as awful as they probably should be because of him. That's not love, though. Simply enjoying someone's presence doesn't mean you're in love in the slightest, or at least it doesn't in this case.

The question that really needs to be answered is none other than the iconic, what is love? Google will tell you that its simply feeling some sort of affection for someone. Love is so much more, though. It's the feeling safety that comes from just being around them, it means supporting one another, caring for each other. It's accepting each other and looking past any flaws or differences. And one of the most important things, it's trust. Trusting each other enough to tell everything to one another. Trusting them to stick with you no matter what, through thick and thin. To not hurt you or leave you behind.

(Wow look at me being deep)

And that last thing, my friends, is what ended it all two short years ago. Brendon hurt Ryan. Because of that, Ryan doesn't know what to make of his emotions. He's scared, that's the one thing he knows. He doesn't want to get hurt again, and isn't sure if he can trust Brendon to not do so again once he has to go back to Pennsylvania.

So, to answer the question asked about four hundred words back, yes. Ryan is still in love. He never fell out of love. He won't admit it though, in fear of his heart being broken a second time by none other than Brendon Urie.

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Y'all have no idea how fucking tedious it was to write this chapter
Not because I find it boring or anything
But because I finally got god damn pink eye and am really sensitive to light now
So I can look at my phone for about 5 minutes with the brightness all the way down and then have to take a 10 minute break
So I'd time five minutes, then ten, and I just kept doing that for probably well over an hour or two and damn it was annoying
Its also probably why this chapter is shit and has pretty much no plot advancement

So daniel is doing the musical and they ran it all the way through during school today for some elementary schools so he got to miss most of his classes
He was back for Latin tho and he comes in wearing like a little bit of makeup and this one girl is like
"Oh honey, did you do your make up yourself?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Honey it isn't blended. Like, at all. Your skin tone isn't even literally anywhere"
And like honestly mood