Ghungroo - The Siren Call of Lovers (#2)

Chapter 20 - In Limbo

Chapter 20

How does one make their mind and body strong in two days? Especially, when both entities are in a tangled mess, so far disconnected from the soul that it leaves you disassociated from reality and self.

I feel like I'm in limbo. Little bits of information come to me at the oddest moment. As my body detoxifies and reality slips in, I take in the truth of my situation.

I'd be doing the most mundane of things like taking a bath or brushing my teeth, and then bam! A memory will hit me and make me feel sick all over again.

Why couldn't Jack have given me a drug that would have erased the memory of that night? Isn't roofie supposed to do that anyway? Make you lose your memory while under it's influence? I so desperately want to forget.

I was doing something as simple as yoga stretches just this morning when the god awful truth came to me. Jack's words. His ramblings about his great master plan. It was this one particular piece of information that completed the puzzle for me.

Bam, just like that I realized that all this time, it was not Riaan who betrayed me. But I who betrayed him.

I'm an awful person. I wish the earth would open up and swallow me. Every moment since then, I've felt like such a despicable person.

Jack's words keep coming back to me.

"One last toss in the hay, for old times sake. Who turns that down, right? But he did turn her down...never the less, the picture I took was still enough to convince you otherwise..."

...He did turn her down... Those words...

Riaan never slept with Stephanie like I had assumed. Just like stupid me to jump to conclusions and ruin everything.

I ruined everything.

But the picture...it looked so real.

It's was meant to look like that, dumbass...Naïve, little girl.

There's still so many questions I have.

Why did he not pick up the phone when I tried calling him? Why didn't he at least message me?

I am a fool. I deserve everything that has happened to me.

I hurt him.

I try to push all thoughts from my head. I messed up and I need to face what comes next.

How is Riaan going to take all of this? Surely he had gotten reports from Dave of my brief interaction with Jack.

If Dave was spying on me like he said then Riaan knows of my flirtation with Jack, of my intimate dinners and sunset walks on the beach with him. He knows of me visiting his suite...He knows about my kissing him and holding hands over intimate candlit dinners...

I truly am a horrible person. I made declarations of love and at the first signs of a problem, what do I do? I run off into the arms of another man...And who knew Jack would turn out to be such a psychopath?

Riaan. He knew. He knew what Jack was capable of...That's why he sent Dave. He knew but...but...I run out of 'buts'.

I was wrong. Me. If we weighing who in fact did more wrong, then I'm definitely tipping the scale here.

I need to stop thinking of things.

My own thoughts are my own worst enemy.

Maybe I deserve everything that has happened to me. Maybe, everything is as it should be. Riaan told me to wait. And at the first opportunity I jump onto a ship and sail off with his friend-turned-enemy.