Ghungroo - The Siren Call of Lovers (#2)

Chapter 26 - Play it Cool

Chapter 26

I wake up with a start.

My room is dark and cold. How long have I slept for?

I'm doing a lot of sleeping. My body must be catching up on all the missed sleeps while aboard the ship, if there is such a thing. Although, I'm seriously doubtful. I'm slowly slipping into slow mode. Not good. My holiday is over. I need to start thinking about heading home. I'm miles away from home. I need to get back to reality. Back to my studies, my work, my friends, my family. It's over two months since I left Cape Town. It's a new year and I haven't even started it yet.

I need to speak to Riaan about making my way back. Back to reality.

I've been keeping Tina and Rahul out of my mind. What are they thinking about me? Do they even know the whole truth? Has Tina given up my game? My secrets?...About me and Riaan and the 'development' of our relationship? If you can even call it a relationship to begin with?

Rahul's going to lose his shit. That much I'm sure of.

Well that's what happens when you keep secrets. Crap hits the fan...nothing to do but face the drama as it unfolds.

I mean, what was Rahul expecting from me? To remain a virgin for the rest of my life. I guess some big brothers feel responsible for their sister's virtue and happiness, but I'm twenty-three for God's sake. I'm perfectly capable of making decisions for myself.

Still, it would have been easier explaining sleeping with a complete stranger as opposed to his best friend. The last thing I want to do is be the reason that Riaan and him drift apart...

And what's Riaan's deal? Is he still wanting to pursue a relationship with me after every thing that's happened? It did seem to be the case when our conversation earlier ended...Still, I'm not sure...

How will a relationship even work between us? We are so...different. I'm not even sure if I want a relationship with him....The only good thing between us is the sex...that attraction that draws us to each other. After that kiss today...at least I know he still finds me attractive...still wants me.

But does he want me in a bed full of other women? Most likely...

I cringe at the thought...I...I couldn't do that... I...I couldn't share...could I?

Fuck! More questions without answers.

Riaan said he'll meet me for dinner. Should I go seek him out? Mr Kourakis was kind enough to bring up my meals sometimes while I moped about in bed the last few days.

I decide to shower, change and go in search of Riaan. Now that I'm away from him, I can think clearly. There's no point in going around in circles and prolonging this whole thing.

Riaan might have said sex meant more with me, but there's still many reasons why we cannot work. I need to find him and put things into perspective. I need to make my way back to my normal life. I have dreams and ambitions to fulfill. Not even Riaan is going to stand in the way of those dreams. Although he has never asked me to sacrifice anything, a relationship with him would mean changing my plans somewhat and compromising. Do I want to do that?

No...I don't think I can. I can't put myself in a position where I'm always guessing where he is, what's he up to, who he's fucking! I can never live like that. An insecure, mess of a woman only half living. Always wondering whether I'm enough, whether he has lost interest in me, whether someone younger, smarter, more beautiful has captured his attention. I can't compete with that. It will drive me insane...