Ghungroo - The Siren Call of Lovers (#2)

Chapter 43 - Seeking Sanity

Chapter 43

6 weeks, 3 days...

But who's keeping time, right?

And yet my mind constantly wanders to this fact. It's now over a month that Riaan has left. Disappeared into thin air.

Classes have started and I'm once again fully immersed in my studies. This is going to be a tough year. I've heard that getting through Psychology this year will be no easy feat and this being my final year in a masters program in fine art means I have to hand in a completed thesis by November.

It's still only March, and given, most of the ground work has been completed, but when I think about the volumes of readings that I will need to plough through, the sheer number of words I still need to put down on paper and the many lectures and tutorials I need to attend in between, I know that thinking I have time is deceptive.

There is no time for thinking- or moping. I need to get on with things. I allowed myself two weeks of mourning the loss of Riaan. Not that he's dead, although I do sometimes fantasize about killing him.

Yes, I guess my anger is still there, just below the surface, but it has somewhat abated considerably. My thoughts are no longer as reckless. My need for hurting Riaan or exacting revenge has all but vanished. Almost. But, not entirely.

What is the point really? It would just be a waste of my energy and time.

He left. And that's that.

Grow balls, Layla. Move on.

Besides, with classes in full swing I have little time for moping or morbid fantasizing. I allowed myself two weeks of unsolicited thoughts. Most of them were about the many ways I would like to kill Riaan. They all included different, and very painful methods of torture and I wallowed in the sadistic pleasure such thoughts gave me.

I went through all of the stages. Disbelief, anger, resentment...I am now at acceptance and a sense of calm has descended over me.

I don't have a very structured timetable this year. Except for meeting up with supervisors and mentors on a one-on-one basis, most of my week is left to self-management. I'm tempted to sleep in, to drag my feet and curl up into a ball and call in sick, but I also refuse to let Riaan drag me down.

No. Letting myself do that would be doing myself an injustice. I've worked too hard to get to this point. Nobody is going to derail my future plans.

Plus, Tina's back! The only rainbow in my otherwise gloomy sky. My bff, my partner in crime, my confidante, my sister from another mister.

Who says sisters need to be blood relatives, right? I've found a 'soul sister' in her. Much more worthy than any shared blood.

The moment she got back I fell into her arms and sobbed. She asked no questions. We'd been texting for days since I got back to our flat and she was pretty much in the know by then.

She made me her famous chicken noddle soup which she knows I love and even though it's still summer  here, I eagerly scoffed down steaming bowls of it while sitting on my bed resembling a broken twig.

She heard me grovel, whine and cry. She sat patiently while I dissected every last detail of my time with Riaan. And she joined me in cursing and cussing him, promising me that the next time she had him in her sights she would beat him to a pulp and castrate him with a very blunt knife. I very much doubt she would be able to accomplish such a feat, given her diminutive size, especially when in the presence of Riaan's huge frame. But just hearing her say it was comfort enough.