18+ due to mature content
NB. This is Part 2 in the story of Layla and Riaan. Please read Part 1 before reading Part 2. The story picks up from the first book. ***This book is not intended as a stand-alone.
Join Layla and best friend Tina onboard a...
Artwork Credit- Untitled (Rose Sleeves), 1911 By Kahlil Gibran
Chapter 51
I hesitate before picking up the letter.
Should I read it now? Do I have time? Can I afford to become a sobbing mess moments before performing?
No, I need to read it now. I'd be wondering about the note the whole time I'm out, if I don't.
I sit on the bed. My ankle bells tinkle as I make myself comfortable. They sound forlorn. Why the fuck do they sound forlorn? Only moments ago they had thrilled with such vibrancy. It's because my mood has changed. I'm filled with sadness and fear.
I unfold the note and read it.
Layla
Just Layla...no, 'Dear Layla', or 'My love'...Just, Layla...
Hopefully, some day you will understand my reason for leaving. Hopefully someday you will forgive me.
Just know that I've always loved you. From the very first moment I met you, I've loved you. I'm certain of that now. You are so much more than my best friend's sister, so much more than just a friend. You are my family. It was only when I spent time in your company that I truly felt at home, truly felt like I belonged.
Family takes care of each other and I hope you someday understand that leaving was to protect you. You and Rahul mean everything to me. And I let you both down.
I realize that I can bring you both nothing but heartache. I'm too messed up, too damaged to be any good to either of you.
I always dreamed of a life with you. Dreams that included a home, kids even.
But my life does not allow me to have these things. I cannot thank you enough for the little time we spent together. Thank you for showing me what I could have had, what I did have, even if for only a brief moment in time. Those memories I shall keep, always.
The day I left for London, after we made promises to be together, I went in search of these Ghungroo. They are a symbol of your strength, your beauty, your uniqueness and perfection in a world that is chaotic and mistrustful.
You are beautiful. Perfect to me. And I know you hate being called innocent, but it is one of the most beautiful qualities you possess. Too few people have that today and it's through your purity that I see my own flaws and want to be a better man.
These Ghungroos are made of the purest of silver. It was not easy finding them, but for you nothing is too good. You deserve the world at your feet. Your purity is a quality that I admire the most, and unfortunately I realize that me being with you, will only destroy that part of you.
Dance in them for me, please. For their sound is a symbol of the love we shared. The bells can only exist together to make music.
Know that even though we are apart, I am always with you in the music you create with them. I will always be yours. I want to see you succeed, grow and find happiness.
Wow...Just wow...
My hands quiver at the words scrawled across the paper. Who knew Riaan could write with such beauty.
I continue reading. I am shaking, my mind swarming with a million feelings and thoughts.
Theses words come to me now, from one of your most beloved poets.
'One day you will ask me which is more important? My life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.'
I know this quote. It is from the writings of Khalil Gibran. Of course, Riaan would know that Gibran is one of my favorites. Just as I know he loves Wordsworth and Blake.
The letter ends, signed simply as 'Riaan'.
Why did I find this letter now? What does it mean?
It leaves me with more questions than answers.
Bloody hell. Just like Riaan to totally throw me off just when I feel like I'm pulling myself together.
Why did he have to pen this? It's more cryptic than anything else.
Why the fuck did I have to find it now?
I hate him...I hate him for doing this to me each and every time. I wish I could feel nothing. I wish I was over him. But clearly after reading this, I'm not.
Right. Focus Layla. He left you. Whether you read this three years ago or only today, he still left you. He wasn't prepared to fight for us. He speaks of a pure love but he still left!
My face feels hot.
I need to leave or I'm going to be late.
The room suddenly feels too small and airless. I need to get out of this confined space. I need to breathe. The smell of the flowers in my hair is overpowering and sour. Rancid. I feel like ripping them out of my braid and flinging them on the floor. I feel like wiping off my makeup and curling into a ball on the bed and crying till my lungs hurt.
I need to calm down...gather myself...
Delia is probably waiting down stairs in the foyer for me. I fold up the letter and leave it on the bed. My hands are still trembling.
I need to get out of here.
I go look at myself in the bathroom mirror and thankfully my makeup is still fine. Thank god for waterproof mascara!
I grab my stuff and exit the room.
Thoughts flood my head and a migraine surfaces, but I need to push through this.
Riaan has no power over me any longer. I feel nothing. I keep repeating this over and over. The more I say it, the more real it will become.
Yes, Riaan is nothing to me. I feel nothing.
Whatever he writes, says, does now is meaningless. We can say stuff, scribble beautiful words, make love and life seem poetic, but at the end of the day it is our actions that speak the loudest.
Riaan is but a thought now. He is nothing.
That happened the day he decided to leave.
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Who else here is a fan of the writings and artworks of Khalil Gibran?...Such brilliant and profound thoughts... love it!
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