Ghungroo - The Siren Call of Lovers (#2)

Chapter 22 - Bring it On

Chapter 22

I turn around to face him. His hand that lay on my shoulder falls to his side with the unexpected action. Yet he shows no surprise, no emotion. His eyes are still hard and emotionless.

"Let's talk Riaan. Let's get this done with. You want to do this standing up or sitting down? I like that we're in a church though. Less likely for either one of us to lie, wouldn't you say? No more games. Only the truth...that way we can put this whole...whole bullshit behind us and get back to our lives."

I don't know where I found the courage to lay it out like that. But I did and I feel proud of myself. Not one tear slips out, my voice does not crack up and betray me.

I walk to the first pew and sit down. Crossing my legs at the ankles, I try and get comfy on the hard wooden bench.

I remember Rahul and I waiting in those hideous steel chairs at the airport for Riaan to arrive. His flight had been late and I was a ball of nerves then, as I am a ball of nerves now. Was that only four/five months ago? Seems like years...

I was a different person then. I was a person. Now I feel like nothing.

He speaks, his deep voice echoing off the cold stone walls.

"I was hoping to talk in a different place. Somewhere more private. I wasn't expecting it to be this soon either. The last two times I checked on you, you were asleep. You sure you're... okay? How are you...feeling?"

I sigh. His obvious concern softens my stiff stance a bit. The hackles that I'd raised when spotting him on the porch smooths down a bit.

"I'm...I'm fine, I guess. Doctor Peurdo says I'm going to be fine."

I stick to medical facts. I'm reluctant to delve into the emotional side of things. Although I know it is coming.

"I know what Doctor Peurdo said, Layla. I'm asking you how you are feeling...after...after your...incident with Jack."

I react instantly to his words. My hackles come to attention once more and I'm ready again for a fight.

"You can say it, you know! Everyone's beating around the bush and walking on egg shells around me. Calling it an ordeal or incident. Just say it! I'm accepting of the fact that I was almost raped by Jack. Drugged and raped. He may not have actually ...actually stuck his dick in me, but I feel just as violate by him. There, you happy now. Jokes on me I guess. Poor, ignorant, stupid Layla. There for everyone to fuck with."

I see his face cringe at my words. Guess they are pretty harsh. But I'm tired of everyone skirting the issues. Say it like it is.

I take a big gulp of air steadying myself.

Riaan shifts uncomfortably on the bench. It creaks and fills the silence between us. Even I am shocked by the venom in my words. How they spewed out of me with such hatred for not just Jack and his actions, but for Dave and Doctor Peurdo and their pity for me. And for Riaan and his fucked up, twisted world that he lives in and dragged me into.

"There's a psychiatrist friend I have if you want to se.."

"I don't want to see anymore of your fucked up friends! I'm done with all of them! Including you."

As soon as the words fall from my mouth, I regret them.

Nothing is as clean cut as it seems. Nothing's black and white. No, good against evil... Well, Jack's evil. There's no two ways about that...But Riaan...

We both did wrong. We both messed up.

The silence is killing me. Say something, please.

"I'm sorry," he says. I can hear the restraint in his voice. It takes a big man to apologize, and again, some of the fight leaves me.

I need to reign in my emotions. This isn't good. This blowing all hot and cold. I'm all over the place. I have anger in me. I need to get rid of it in some other way...maybe I do need help. But there's no way in hell I'm going to another of Riaan's 'friends'.

And getting mad at Riaan isn't going to change what has been done.

"I'm sorry too," I say, my voice trembling somewhat and tears threaten to spill once more.

"Well that's a start in the right direction, wouldn't you say?"

His hand reaches out and picks up my chin so that my eyes are forced to focus on him. A shiver passes through me. I hate that feeling now because I can not react on it. I cannot lay my head into that strong, calloused hand now, seeking warmth and comfort like I want to.

I want him to hold me, wrap me in his arms and tell me everything's going to be okay. I will it to happen...but of course he doesn't do that.

Whatever love he had for me a few weeks ago has vanished.

I suppose he's angry with me too. For picking up and leaving without even a goodbye. For shacking up with Jack on the ship...No, it's not what I did. I never wanted anything romantic with Jack. Seeing Jack on the ship had been a surprise. And yes, I had wanted to use him to make Riaan jealous at first. It was my way of getting back at Riaan...of getting over him...How stupid. But I did come to my senses before anything remotely romantic developed between us.

I want to tell him all of this but pride prevents me from talking with my heart.

I cannot take another humiliation so soon after the last one. I'd rather die than be humiliated and let down gently by this man that I've loved for most of my life.

I snap my head away, out of his grip. His eyes are too intense, too blinding to face right at this moment.

I see his eyes flash momentarily with flecks of blue and violet in their deep grey depths. For a split second I see his guard drop and all of his emotions spill out. Anger and shock at my harsh reaction to his touch....And hurt. I see hurt? I think I see pain flash briefly and ever so slightly through them.

Well, I guess those eyes don't just change colour with amusement or lust or passion. They burn bright when angry and hurt too.

I wish it was with want of me that he gives me this look. But no. He's definitely angry.

"So, let's talk about your adventures aboard the Coral then shall we? Let's talk about your total disregard for what we talked about and your going off and fucking Jack. I have so many questions for you. And no one's leaving here until I have all of them answered."

Fuck, he sounds cold. I knew he was angry but this is murderous-angry. The kind that's volatile and unpredictable. The kind that could do damage.

And it's directed full on me. His eyes dig into me, cold and steely grey.

I've rubbed him the wrong way. Pushed him over the edge. One of us is going to be injured today. Sticks and stones and all that crap, but I know that Riaan's not going to let me off the hook lightly. He is going to interrogate me and hurt me with his words. And I'm going to deserve every single critique, every comment and every opinion he has of me.

My head focuses on the image of Mary.

Sweet Mary, mother of Jesus, give me the strength now to come out of this okay.

Even though I'm Hindu, I pray now to Her. This pious woman, so unlike me.

My parents taught me that no matter how you prayed, your prayer led to one God that serves us all. No matter where you prayed, be it in a church, a mosque, a temple or a synagogue- all of your prayer went to the same almighty God.

And now more than anything, do I need Him to hear my silent prayer.

I am ready for it. Bring it on.