Guns and Roses

FORTY-ONE

♕Harley Anderson♕

When I was younger and I was still getting abused by my father, I often sat in the corner of my room and thought. Thought long and hard as to why I had to have such an unloving family. I thought about how worthless I was, how pathetic I was. I used to wonder why I was even born- if it was my purpose just to suffer. My thoughts used to drown me. I felt too much. I felt everything all at once and I couldn't even breathe.

This time it's different.

This time I feel numb- empty- and I can't make up my mind which one is worse.

Maybe I'm overreacting but I can't seem to make myself believe that. Cameron had made me race him and then made me win on purpose, taking his glorious title in the process. I wanted to win the race because I was good at it, not because Cameron felt sorry for me. And I definitely didn't want to take his title. Cameron didn't lose it because he sucks at racing or messed up but because he cared enough about me to sacrifice it.

Maybe that's the reason I feel so conflicted- because I want to be mad and hurt, I want to have a reason to ignore him, but I don't. I don't even know how to take the fact that he cares about me to such an extent. I've never felt so cared for in my life. That makes me all the more guilty because he shouldn't have felt like he had to do that. I don't want him to ever look at me and see me as the one who stole his unbeaten champion title.

Because he really is still the unbeaten champion.

I haven't spoken to him since last night and even though Audrey and Caleb were ecstatic for me, Caleb, too, was a little astounded. Emery seemed happy for me but I didn't miss the underlying disappointment in his tone of voice- he needed Cameron to keep the reputation up. When I left, I could already see how differently people were looking at me.

I'm no longer just another person, I'm the girl who beat Cameron.

The thought makes me sick.

He texted me last night, asking to talk but I simply switched my phone off and set it aside, needing some space to breathe. I've tried to preoccupy myself but even as I wipe tables down, my mind seems to stray back and forth between the events of last night and when I gave my mom the money this morning.

At least the house is saved and my mom and Mia won't have to uproot their lives.

I bring Frank his order, placing it down in front of him with a small smile. "Here you go."

"Thank you Harley." He says and I smile again, dusting my hands off on my dress. "Is your shift over?" He asks and I nod.

"Yep."

He flashes me a concerned smile. "You look like you're having a rough day, why don't you sit? I'd love some company." He suggests and I kiss my teeth, the idea sounding inviting. It would be nice to have a bit of a distraction away from home for a while.

"Okay."

He smiles at me and after I've hung my apron up on the rack, I slide into the seat opposite him with a cup of tea.

"So what's wrong?" He asks, his dark eyebrows pulling together.

I sigh. "Things are just a little bit bumpy between Cameron and I at this point." I explain vaguely and he frowns.

"Why is that?" He inquires further and I feel slightly uncomfortable at his personal question.

"We just had... a lack of communication." I respond and he nods, leaning back in his seat.

"Well, if it's any consolation, I think you two are capable of working it out."

I give him a smile. "Thank you Frank."