Guns and Roses

FIFTY

♛Cameron Dawson♛

My back aches from the uncomfortable position I'm sat in and I move with a grunt, readjusting myself so that the sharp pain no longer shoots up my spine.

"You should go home and rest, Cameron." Dr Philip says from where he fiddles with a few tubes connected to Harley. I immediately shake my head.

"I need to be here for her."

He looks away from his clipboard with a sigh. "You look exhausted. If you really want to be here for her, you also need to look after yourself. Go home and relax for a little bit. Come back first thing tomorrow."

I purse my lips. It's being two days since the accident and I haven't slept in my apartment since. I managed to get Harley a private room even though Olivia didn't want me to. She had previously declined my suggestion numerous times, not wanting me to spend so much money on it but I didn't listen. Harley deserved the best and it's not like I don't have the money to pay for it. I can tell that Olivia appreciates the gesture though as I can see how relieved she is to give Harley some privacy. Along with that, I've tried to find Frank. I went to the police station but he's apparently taking 'emergency' leave. I wanted to yell at the officer who said that Frank had some personal matters to deal with. I wanted to tell her he was plotting to kill my girlfriend. But I didn't.

I tried to call him, message him, get any form of contact, but it doesn't even ring or send. He's disappeared off of the face of the Earth and I can't even ask any officers if they know where he went for two reasons- one, they won't tell me confidential information and two, I refuse to trust any other cop ever again. The one cop I thought was there to help me, protect me, had used everything he knew against me and put the love of my life in a coma.

Over the past two days, Harley has had visits from her mom, Audrey and Caleb, Samantha and Mason, Joe and Allison. I've being here the whole time and I know Olivia would be too if she didn't have a job or have to look after Mia. Everyone is upset from the fact that she's in a coma, a chance that we've lost her while I'm mourning over that and the fact that it's my fault. That I might lose her like I lost Carla, with her blood on my hands. And the thought of losing her all together makes my heart break. I can't do it. Not again.

"Has there being any improvements?" I ask monotone, ignoring his previous suggestion. Dr Philip shakes his head with a sad smile.

"No. However, her heart rate, sugar level and all that is stabilizing. There's a good chance she'll wake up."

There it is- chance.

Chance has never really being on my side.

I nod with pursed lips, my eyes straying to her body. Dr Philip leaves the room quietly but I don't notice as I lean my head back. Sitting here, having to see Harley like this, is making me lose my mind. I think I'm on the verge of insanity.

I open my eyes and glance at Harley, my heart aching to see her alive and well again. I wish she didn't have to go through this. She doesn't deserve it.

I stand up. I don't want to leave her but I think I need to take Dr Philip on his suggestion and go home to shower.

Maybe this way, I can wash away the guilt and sorrow from this situation.

I grab my leather jacket that is hanging on the chair and pull it on before gingerly reaching for her face. I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and look down at her in complete love before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

And with that, I leave the room.

****

Seeing the track doesn't bring me the same amount of relief like it usually does. Sure, it in some way or another kind of comforts me, but it definitely provides no escape like I wish so desperately it could.