The Coño Boy 4: Jake

Special Chapter 13A: I Open Doors

KELSO's P.O.V.

My mobile has been buzzing and ringing almost non-stop since about 9:30 am this morning. I had to ignore it for a bit since I had to have a serious talk with my Lola about something really important. It's nice to spend time with Lola; just her and me making kuwento. Kahit paano, she values my input so even if she did not expect that I would have an opinion about what's happening, I made sure she gets my point. My Lola kasi is so ma-awain almost to a fault that she forgets people's flaws. But pasalamat siya, my family has me.

Okay lang sa 'kin that some of my relatives see me as the bad guy: "kontra-bida na nga, bakla pa" as my cousin Bobby once said. As long as I'm alive, the Shianghio's won't be able to do kung ano ang gusto nila. I can smell their greed a mile away. Kaya nga it helps na you can keep the maids loyal to you like si Yaya Jen. Kasi the old saying na "The Maids Know Everything" is so true! Alam ng mga maids lahat ng nangyayari sa bahay so you better check where their loyalties lie. Also, dapat you reward their loyalty. Kaya hindi namin pina-pabayaan si Yaya Jen. Ate Beatrice and I make sure she is well-compensated for her efforts.

The problem kasi with the Shianghios is that they treat their house help like slaves, ang baba ng tingin nila sa mga people that make silbi —not just sa sarili nilang maids and drivers ha, also sa mga house help ng other family members namin. I have seen their behavior not only sa mga manangs and ates in Lola Barbara's but also during this party at another cousin's house. That's the reason why even the servants at Lola Barbara's house at Forbes avoid them like the plague. Kapag Fred and Myrna come to visit, they all stay away —far, far away.

Okay, where was I?

So, since I left Narra at Forbes, the attention my phone has required for almost an hour now has reached freakishly needy levels. Like Taylor and his constant hunt for a relationship. Yes, shade... I throw shade so well that the sun may have considered hiring me for a time.

I have to make it to MOA Arena by 12:00pm. One hour to get there is not so bad since it's just EDSA-Magallanes and EDSA-Taft intersections that will probably be a major cause for concern dahil nga it's a Saturday and these UAAP people decided to to stage the opening at the MOA kung saan the proletariat population also would want to spend their Saturdays so yehey! More Hypebeasties to deal with. Please allow for the spattering of sarcasm to settle.

Phone ringing.

I swipe on the screen to answer.

Kelso [on the line]: Hello!

Taylor [on the line]: Where are you?

If bibilangin ko kung how many times Taylor's asked me kung nasaan na ako since about 8:00am, madami siya. Like super dami.

Kelso [on the line]: I'm still driving, pero I'm like near na. Just drove past Magallanes a while ago.

Taylor [on the line]: That's nowhere near "near na", Kelso. Saan ka ba galing?

Not that I'm making laglag Taylor pero one of the main reasons why he can't keep a guy interested in any romantic relationship is 'cause he literally picks on where you are and what you're doing when he really wants to make tutok. Like Ate Beatrice said once before, guys get turned off with the imposed minute to minute update. Taylor's probably scared-off potential relationships this way. She said something like napapagod din daw ang person sa pag-reassure if you're in constant need of assurance.

Kelso [on the line]: I passed by Forbes for a bit. Family thing —really important.

Taylor [on the line]: Okaayyyy... You have your ticket na?

But one thing na gusto ko with Kelso as a friend, he takes care of you. Like he had our tickets in envelopes ready for us literally the next day after namin mag-decide na manonood kami ng UAAP Opening and UPD's game against UE. Kulang na lang may wax and ribbon seal ang envelope because he's really detailed that way.