Ghosts (A Christian Yelich Story)

Chapter Twenty-Six: Expectations

Christian seemed nervous at breakfast, so I gently placed a hand on his thigh beneath the table to reassure him. He then covered my hand with his and gave it a light squeeze.

"So, Christian, tell us about yourself," Lindsey started. "What are you into?"

"Uh, um, I play baseball for the Milwaukee Brewers, so I'm pretty into baseball." His voice matched his shaky demeanor. Why was he so anxious? He was amazingly confident in bed, so where was this side of him coming from?

"How about share something deeper than Wikipedia can teach us. Like, why are you super into my best friend?" Lindsey smiled at him, and it seemed genuine. Lindsey was always genuine.

Christian looked at me before responding. "Honestly, she's funny and beautiful and successful, and I just like to be around her. Way out of my league, though."

"It's okay. She's out of all of our leagues," James chimed in.

I couldn't stop myself from blushing, which caused Lindsey to call me out. "You made her blush! Little Miss Cool and Collected never does that."

"Shut up, Lindsey." I buried my head in my hands.

"So, then, Annie, why are you super into Christian? Because the chemistry is pretty obvious . . ." Lindsey put the pressure on me this time.

Usually I would make my response into a joke, but I didn't want to this time. "Because he makes me feel comfortable and safe and knows how to make me feel good." I looked at Christian, and he was grinning from ear to ear. "He also has amazing hair. I mean, look at it." I ruffled his hair a bit, but the thickness of it caused it to barely move. "Amazing." Christian laughed and shook his head.

"He does have good hair," Lindsey agreed. "He's also very tall."

"Yup, I'm pretty tall. Not so sure about the hair," Christian joked, and I was relieved he was loosening up a bit.

About forty-five minutes into our conversation, Christian excused himself to go to the bathroom, which gave my friends the opportunity to continue their line of questioning.

"He seems really great, Annie," Lindsey stated.

"Yeah, he's fine, but what are you doing with him?" James asked with a hint of accusation in his voice.

"What do you mean?" Where was this coming from?

"That poor guy is in love with you already. How are you going to let him down easy knowing your relationship is impossible? I mean, face it, Annie, you film all over the world, and he plays 162 games of baseball annually. How does that work? You know it doesn't."

I hated when James played the realism card. I mean, he was absolutely right, but I really didn't want to think about these things right now. "We'll figure it out," I muttered, knowing that I sounded stupid.

"Annie, you don't owe James any explanations. James, don't be an asshole. She genuinely seems happy with him, and he seems really sweet." Lindsey always tried to be the peacemaker.

"We were happy together, and look how that turned out." James shrugged while locking eyes with me.

"Is this about me and Christian, or is this about us?" I asked James quietly.

James sighed deeply. "It's both. I'm sorry, but I still have feelings. I think you know that. I want you to be happy, but I had to watch you fall in love with an asshole like Asher. I don't want to watch that again, especially knowing you got really hurt. I also don't want to watch you get crushed by reality."

"I'll be okay, James. Christian and I aren't rushing into anything. I'm just enjoying my time with him. I'm not ready to think about the logistics of our relationship or any relationship at all." James made some fair points, but I didn't think it was nice of him to judge my friendship with Christian. "I like him a lot, but I'm keeping my expectations low," I concluded.

"I think you should go for it," Lindsey added. "And James should go fuck himself." She gave James a disapproving look.

"Come on, Zedd, I'm not off base." James looked at me again. "Just be careful," he instructed me.

Caution seemed to be a dominant theme in my conversations these days, so maybe I should actually consider proceeding with it.

At this point, Christian returned to the table and sat down next to me. He smiled at me, and my James-inflicted doubts temporarily subsided. "You just about ready to go to the gym?" he asked me.

"Yeah, let's head out."

"Bye, friend and man with amazing hair," Lindsey said.

James took a moment before adding his goodbye. "We'll see you guys later."

I knew Lindsey was going to smack him as soon as we left the room, but I couldn't help but focus on how right he probably is. I needed  to temper my expectations and not fall too fast.

But every time Christian did something as simple as hold my hand, my heart skipped a beat. And I knew deep down that I was absolutely fucked regardless of what happens.