Ghosts (A Christian Yelich Story)

Chapter Seventy-Nine: Little Birdy

Christian: I think it's fucked up you can't see me for over a month.

Christian: I don't want to sleep without you every night for five weeks. FaceTime isn't a good enough replacement for what it feels like to hold you.

I sighed as I read Christian's messages at work. I was tired from staying up late crying, and he was only making me feel worse via this guilt trip.

I wouldn't be able to see him until his next California series in mid-June, and he wasn't taking it well. Either was I. Being without him was miserable. I've never felt so lonely before.

I knew I shouldn't reply while my emotions were high, but I didn't want to ignore him, either.

Annie: I have a job just like you. It's not like you can just come see me at your will. Why is the separation and distance solely my fault? Why do I have to make all the sacrifices?

Christian: I can't miss a game. You have more flexibility. I don't understand why you didn't leave this project when you found out we were expecting.

Of course he didn't understand. The situation didn't fit into his black and white outlook on life.

Annie: I would never ask you to stop playing a season of baseball. Same idea. I love my job, and I love you.

Christian: You don't have a multi-year contract. My apologies for wanting to be with my pregnant girlfriend.

Annie: I think you know you're not being fair. Let's talk when you're in a better mood.

Christian: Fine. It's bullshit you can't find a single weekend to come here, though. And you know I'm right.

Annie: I was clear about how hard this would be. We'll talk later.

I threw my phone in my purse in frustration. When he kissed me goodbye, he once again validated that he was okay with our predicament. Why did he always throw it back in my face?

My thoughts were interrupted by a familiar, unexpected voice. "Hey, Annie, can we talk?" It was Asher.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him softly with a tone of surprise. He stepped closer to me.

"I wanted to talk to you. I've been trying to get in touch with you for weeks, and a little birdy told me you'd be here recording this afternoon." He brushed his fingertips against my stomach, and I instinctively pushed his hand away.

"Who's the little birdy?" I asked, trying to keep my cool.

Asher looked me in the eye. "I can't break his trust."

"What do you want?" I asked, my calm demeanor giving way to visible frustration.

"A paternity test."

"You're a jackass," I muttered

"Annie, there's a chance this baby is mine."

"I have no recollection of sleeping with you . . ."

He shook his head. "You wouldn't, and I was really messed up too. But it happened. I remember bits and pieces. I'm sorry it happened under the circumstances it did, but we can't take it back now."

"Hannah wouldn't have let me out of her sight." There was no way.

"We ran into each other in a unisex bathroom . . . She was waiting for you outside."

"No."

He grabbed my hand and gave me a look of desperation, "Annie, please. I have no reason to fuck around with you on this. It's just if that little baby is mine, I want to be there. If you don't believe anything happened, what harm would the test do?"

He had tears in his eyes, and I all of a sudden wanted to vomit. I released my hand from his grip. "Christian is the dad."

"Maybe, maybe not," he whispered. "Let's do the test. I'll set everything up. You just have to show up at the appointment."

I was trying to control my tears and ensure they didn't turn into sobs. "Please just stop this charade. Just leave me and Christian be. I love him. I'm trying to start a life with him. Don't make this harder. It's already so hard."

"I promise you if the baby isn't mine, I will stay out of your way forever, even though I'm still madly in love with you. Letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life." He paused to give me time to respond, but I had nothing to say.

"Please, just do the test. It's the last thing I'll ever ask of you," he begged.

"Set it up and send me the details. But, in the interim, stay the fuck away from me." My hands were shaking. My whole body felt numb.

Fake tears rolled down his face. "Okay. I love you. If I'm the dad, I won't disappoint you, Annie. I will put everything I have into supporting the two of you."

He brushed his lips against my cheek before finally leaving me be.

The baby couldn't be his. She wouldn't be his. Even if, deep down, I knew parenting would be easier if he was the father.

I grabbed my phone out of my purse and called Hannah. She was the only person in the world who could both give me answers and talk me down.