Ghosts (A Christian Yelich Story)

Chapter Eighty-Five: Non-Violently

I watched Christian nervously run both of his hands through his hair. He couldn't make eye contact with me, even when he started to speak. "I sort of slept with someone last night," he mumbled. I tried to meet his gaze, but he still couldn't look at me.

"Sort of?" I asked. "You either did or you didn't, Christian." My voice lowered as I spoke. I felt a weight in my chest, and a sharp pang in my stomach.

"I was a mess. I went out with Travis to have a drink or two, and I saw her across the bar . . ."

I cut him off — not wanting to hear the whole story. "Did you fuck her?"

"I was inside her for about five seconds." He finally locked eyes with me. "And it was awful. It felt awful. I was awful."

I was trying to hold it together in front of him. "Why?" was all I could manage to ask through gritted teeth.

He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. "I was trying to forget you. Obviously, it would never have worked. How can anyone forget you? My judgment was cloudy . . ."

"I just don't understand how you could get to a mental place where you could be with someone else so quickly," I whispered. "Being with someone else was the last thing on my mind. Eloise was the first. You were the second. I missed you."

"It was mechanical. I felt nothing. I couldn't even kiss her lips. I only want your lips." He buried his head in his hands. "I love you."

"Did you use protection, at least?" I asked.

He shook his head no. "Wow, Christian."

"I didn't cum in her."

"I'm not worried about you knocking her up."

"I'll get tested for you," he responded quickly. "Obviously. You're going to be the last person I ever sleep with . . . That's my plan anyway. I'm so sorry, but there's going to be a day in the near future where I don't have to be sorry. I'm going to make this up to you."

I didn't know what to say, and I just wanted him to leave for a little bit. "Can you just go get swabbed and tested and send Hannah in here? I need to process this."

Christian nodded, tears streaming down his cheeks, a theme in both our lives as of late. He kissed my lips tenderly before walking out of the room.

***

"Did he tell you everything?" Hannah asked me as she approached my bedside and noticed my teary eyes.

"I only wanted to know the important parts."

"He does love you."

"I know, and he technically didn't cheat. He broke up with me first. But his behavior is so erratic and impulsive. What do I do?"

"You know I can't answer that."

"What would you do?"

"Give him another chance. You know he loves you."

"This is chance, like, six. When does giving him an additional chance make me dumb?"

Hannah chuckled. "I don't think you'll have to give him another chance. I think this is it." She smiled at me.

"I feel sick to my stomach when I think about him touching someone else."

"I would be worried if you didn't."

"I'm so angry at him. I want to punch him in the face. But, you know, non-violently."

"You should be angry."

"If he thinks I'm sleeping with him any time soon, he's very mistaken."

Hannah laughed. "He's going to lose his mind. Do you want me to send him back in here once he's done with the paternity test?"

"Yeah . . . But say something mean to him for good measure."

***

"Hey," Christian said shyly. He looked terrified as he took Hannah's place

"Hi," I replied calmly.

"I did the tests," he informed me.

"Thanks."

"I love you."

"Good."

"Are you still taking me back?" He looked alarmed and confused by my short responses.

"Yeah, but please don't make me regret it. I just want to be a family. Stop fucking it up."

He nodded, his eyes wide. "Can I hold you for a bit? It's all I want right now . . ."

I shook my head, slightly amused, and then made a little room for him in bed. There wasn't much to offer him, but he took advantage of the small space I was able to make. His arms wrapped around me, and I felt his hot breath on my neck. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispered.

"Please don't," I whispered just as softly. He just squeezed me a little tighter, and I quickly fell back asleep.