Ghosts (A Christian Yelich Story)

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Crushed

"Are you okay?" Annie asked me, her eyes filled with apprehension. She placed a hand over mine and brushed her thumb across my skin, which sent chills up and down my arms.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. It was our last night of filming; tomorrow we'd both be heading back to Los Angeles on the same flight out of Heathrow. Honestly, I was upset. Upset that she hadn't been open to further defining our relationship and upset I had fallen so hard for her in the course of two weeks.

I was about to be twenty-seven years old, and I had yet to tell a woman I loved her – even in high school when I had raging, insane hormones and a long-term girlfriend – but it had taken all my self-control these past few days to not blurt it out to her after every single touch, after every single laugh, after every single moment together . . .

It only took two weeks to fall in love with Annie Delaney, and I didn't know how to fall out of it. I knew if I told her the truth, I'd probably just push her away.

"Okay," she whispered before looking at the ground. "You can talk to me, you know."

"Then tell me what happens to us when we get home. You've avoided the topic every time I've brought it up. You know I care about you. You know I want to try to be more than fuck friends or whatever the hell this is." I could feel my temper flaring, so I took a couple of deep breaths before squeezing her hand. "I want you, Annie. I want to be in a real relationship with you."

"What do you think will happen when we get home? We continue fucking for a couple of months before you go off to Spring Training? Or we continue fucking until I go off to some random filming location in New Zealand? Or we continue fucking until you have to live in Milwaukee for half the year? We're logistically incompatible, Christian." She was trying hard to sound calm, but I could hear her suppressing tears with each word. "One of us would have to sacrifice too much. I don't think a relationship would be fair to either of us. You can't put less into baseball, the thing you love more than anything, and I'm so close to making a successful transition from funny girl sidekick to serious actress. We met at the wrong time and in the wrong place."

Her words hurt, even though a small part of me knew she was right. I just didn't want her to be. "What's the harm in just seeing what happens?"

"Have you ever had your heart completely crushed?" she asked me sharply.

"No, I haven't, but I'm okay with you being the first one to do it." And that was the fucking truth. I'd rather she break me completely than not give us a shot at all. "I'm ready for it. Break me."

She wasn't fighting the tears now. Her eyes were filled with them. "I'm not ready to feel that way again. I'm so sorry."

With that, she stood up and walked away. I don't know where she slept our last night in the United Kingdom, but it wasn't next to me.

***

I watched Annie in silence as we both waited for our baggage to be released onto the carousel. She looked exhausted as she purposely avoided making eye contact with me. I wanted to say something to her, even if it was just to wish her well, but she made it abundantly clear that she wanted nothing to do with me when she stomped away. And when she didn't say a word to me at our gate. And when she looked in the other direction when she passed me in the aisle getting to her seat.

She warmly smiled at a few teenagers who asked for her autograph and fulfilled their requests with graciousness, even though I doubt she had slept much over the past twenty-four hours. I know I hadn't. By the time she finished signing, a couple approached her for a picture, and she obliged again. I thought the attention given to me as a baseball player could be rough, but, even as reigning National League MVP, I wasn't always recognized in public outside of Milwaukee. She never caught a fucking break.

She grabbed her two bags off the carousel before mine arrived and walked out the doors. Instead of waiting for my luggage, I made an impulsive decision to sprint after her.

"Annie!" I shouted, causing her to turn around and stop. Her eyes looked defeated, and it broke me a little bit.

Without thinking, I pressed my lips against hers and traced her bottom lip with my tongue. My heart jumped when she opened her mouth for me, and I gently massaged her tongue with mine before resting my hands on her back. I wasn't going to be the one to put a stop to this.

When she suddenly pulled away from me, she had tears streaming down her face. "Goodbye, Christian," she whispered. "I have to go."

And I had to watch her walk away from me. Again. But, this time, she took it a step further and hopped into the passenger seat of a black Mercedes, and the driver sped off. 

And I guess I now knew what it felt like to have my heart completely crushed. She fucking did it.