Ghosts (A Christian Yelich Story)

Chapter Fifty: All I Had

"What are you drinking?" a familiar voice asked from behind me. I should have known he'd find me at the after parties. There was nowhere to hide.

I turned around and locked eyes with Asher. I had been strategically able to avoid him up to this point in the evening. I had to admit, he looked really good, but everyone looked good at the Oscars. Professional styling helps us all.

"Just club soda," I replied coolly.

"You're usually a gin and tonic sorta girl," he mumbled, his tone a bit suspicious at my expense.

"I overdid it at the Globes, so I'm taking it easy tonight."

Asher nodded that he understood. "Where's your Dracula-like baseball player?"

"Spring Training, I think," I muttered.

"You two still together?"

"No." I tried to not let my inflection sound like I cared, but I did a poor job. "We were never really together."

He picked up on my tone of disappointment. "Why not?" he asked. Why did he care so much about the details of my failed fling?

"Our lives are just too different." I took a sip of my "drink" then told Asher I had to go.

"Congratulations, by the way. Welcome to the club. It's going to be a good year for you. I know it."

He winked at me before I spun around and left. 

I was suddenly sick to my stomach, so I booked it to a bathroom as quickly as I could in the prison of my heels and ball gown.

***

"Are you okay?" Hannah asked me from outside the stall I was occupying. "I only left you for five minutes, and now you're puking and crying in the bathroom. Also, don't get any vomit on your dress. Please."

"I'm fine," I replied as I flushed the toilet.

"No, you're not. What's going on?"

I left the stall and stood in front of a sink before responding to her. Even through my caked-on makeup, I looked physically ill. "Just the state of pregnancy. That's all this is."

While I was in mid-conversation with Hannah, Veronica Daley, one of my former best friends and the woman Asher cheated on me with, stepped out of a stall. I thought I was alone, but I was really just a blabbering idiot.

"You're pregnant?" she asked me. Her eyes were wide with surprise. Fuck.

I had no idea how to respond without blowing what little cover I had.

"She's just paranoid that she is," Hannah explained calmly. "Broken condom."

"We've all been there," Veronica said, giving me a hesitant, sympathetic smile. "I won't tell anyone, Annie. I think I've done enough damage, and I'm really truly sorry for all the problems I caused. My confidence isn't as high as yours."

"It's in the past." It honestly was, and I was relieved I didn't follow through with marrying Asher. What she did was soul-crushing and shitty, but ultimately it made me a better person. I guess.

"Congratulations, by the way. You deserved the award."

"Thanks, Veronica."

Veronica smiled again, dried off her hands, and left me and Hannah alone.

"Good save," I told Hannah.

"Yeah, let's hope it works. I don't trust that woman. At all."

"I think it'll be okay." My pregnancy wouldn't be a problem for much longer anyway. "We should find my mom."

"She was flirting with Hugh Jackman last time I saw her, and he was definitely very  flattered." Hannah giggled.

"I can't take that woman anywhere." I grabbed Hannah's hand, and we went to find my date.

***

"We just need you to complete some paperwork, Ms. Delaney," the receptionist informed me before handing me a clipboard that contained a rather large stack of papers. "Just standard medical information as well as some privacy forms. Let me know if you have any questions."

I took the clipboard from her with a shaky hand. "Thank you."

I returned to the waiting room and sat next to Hannah. She gave me an approving look as I started to fill out the obnoxious amount of paperwork.

My hands were shaking so badly I could barely print my name. Hannah took notice, and gently took the clipboard from me. "I'll just have you sign where you need to sign, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay."

"This is a great friendship test," Hannah said as she started to fill out the form. "Let's see how far I can get without consulting you." She was getting through the basic information at a high rate of speed. "Social security number?"

I whispered the number to her, and she completed the line item.

"Medical conditions? Besides seasonal allergies and migraines. I know all about those."

"Just those two things."

"Okay, look this over and sign." She handed the clipboard back to me, and I signed off on the medical history form.

We went through the rest of the paperwork and returned it to the front desk, and, shortly after, a nurse came into the room to greet me. She had rosy cheeks and a kind face. "Hello, Annie. You can follow me." She gave me a reassuring smile, and I tried to return it.

"We just need to do some basic medical checks before the procedure, okay?" She took my vitals, which she told me were all normal considering the stressful environment. "Is there anything you need before I get Dr. Gonzalez?"

"No thank you," I said softly. "I'm ready."

"Here's a gown for you to change into, and then you can sit on the end of the table there, okay? Just crack the door open to signify you're ready." The kind nurse squeezed my hand and left the room, leaving me alone with my racing thoughts and racing heart.

You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. Be brave. Be brave. Be brave.

I started to remove my clothes, but my phone buzzing in my purse distracted me. It was my mom. I wanted to answer it and tell her everything that was happening, and I wanted her to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay, but I declined the call. And then I started crying. Harder than I've ever cried in my life.

And then I put my clothes back on and left the room.

And then I walked down the hallway.

And then I walked through the waiting room.

And then I stepped outside.

And then I felt Hannah pull me into her arms.

And then I let everything go.

"I am going to be the most ridiculous mother in the world," I sobbed into her shoulder.

"No. You're going to be the best one." And she hugged me harder.

And I was so relieved to have her as a best friend. Because, in the moment, she felt like all I had.