Because Of You-Solby Fan Fiction

Chapter 34

Sams POV

I held him close to me as I climbed into the car with Brennen and Clarissa. They had already taken angel back home and Clarissa smiled as she looked back at us. She awwwwd softly and smiled when she saw Colby and she reached out gently ruffling his hair.

"Thank god he's okay." She spoke softly and I nodded gently petting his head as he absentmindedly played with his stuffy which made me smile while Brennen drove us home. I gently ran his fingers through his hair and he smiled, leaning against me but something was wrong. I could see it in his eyes and the way he acted.

"Baby are you alright?" I asked softly and he looked up at me. He wasn't alright. He wasn't letting himself fully slip, he was scared and I could read it all over his face.

"Yea daddy. Now that I'm with you" his voice was higher but he wasn't talking like himself in headspace. I sighed but put on a fake smile and nodded.

"When we get home do you wanna watch some Disney movies before going to bed?" He nodded and curled up as close to me as possible and I wrapped my arms around him. I hated that he was so scared to slip into his head space because of what happened. I just wanted him to feel safe and cared for, and I was gonna figure out how to help him.

When we got home I carried him up to our room and pulled up Netflix queuing up like twenty Disney princess movies as I held him close to me. He pulled Mr.Stuffings close to his chest as he curled up into me and sucked on his paci lazily. I slowly ran my fingers through his hair as I kept him in my arms and he instantly started to sing along to all of the songs which made me smile. I watched his eyes grow a little bit as he sang but I could see him fighting with it. Filling his head with dark thoughts to fight off the carefree princess that was in him, I grabbed his jaw lightly and made him look at me for a minute.

"Don't do that to yourself princess" I said softly and he looked at me a little confused.

"Dwont doo What?"

"Don't put dark thoughts in your head to escape your little space. It's not healthy for you"

"Bwut I'm awaways get hwurt in wittle spwace. I-I cwant kweep pwutting woo in dwanger wike dat"

"Oh princess. You are never ever going to put me in danger because of your little space. You can't help what others choose to do to you. I don't want you to hurt yourself like that." I could tell I was slowly cracking his mold but something was thrown up to keep me from breaking it any further.

"I can't sammy. I can't put you in that much danger." He said and he looked away from me, pulling the paci out of his mouth and setting it on the nightstand. And that right there broke my heart. I nodded slowly and turned off Snow White which was the movie playing at the moment.

"Okay....okay" that's all I could bring myself to say. He was hurting himself because of me. He was tearing down everything I had built to protect him because of me. I just....I couldn't deal with it in that moment. I just closed the laptop and set it to the side before going on my phone with Colby laying on my chest. He could tell I was upset, it was so clear across his face but at this point I didn't care. I was too lost in my own thoughts. He grabbed my hands and made me look at him.

"Stop that. Don't do that. This doesn't have anything to do with you."

"Of course it does" I said softly "it has everything to do with me. Youre putting this wall up because you don't want me to get hurt. So I'm the reason you're tearing yourself down" He was sitting up now and looking at me with worry and sadness, and I instantly felt guilty. I looked away and tried to shove my emotions into a box so he would be okay but he grabbed my chin so I was looking at him. I could see him fighting hard to hold it back but he let out a soft whimper anyway.

"Don't....Don't ever think you're the reason I block my little space out like that. Because you're not the reason. It's people like Jack that cause me to block it out."

"Princess....Jack is dead. You don't need to fear him."

"But What if others like him come for me?"

"They won't. You know they wouldn't be able to get past me"

"But-"

"Your wall is being held up with what ifs baby I don't want you to be scared to be yourself" I watched his eyes grow a little and I reached it and caressed his cheek trying to coax him back into little space but he was still fighting. He was throwing up wall after wall trying to block it out. I pulled him in my lap and rubbed his back, whispering soft things to him with a smile.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I will always protect you baby boy." He let out a soft whine softly as he clung to me and I smiled as I reached over and grabbed his paci as I continued to rub his back. He looked over at me with soft, big eyes and I smiled putting the paci in his mouth. He rested his head on my shoulder and nuzzled closer to me with a soft sigh. I rubbed his back and held him as close to me as possible.

"Are you hungry little one?" He nodded sleepily and I stood up, carrying him downstairs and into the kitchen. Instantly Devyn was off of the couch and in the kitchen with a smile.

"Hi Colby." She said softly and he waved to her sleepily with a smile. She turned to me and looked me over making sure I was okay. "You're both okay right?"

"Yes we're both fine devyn I promise." She nodded and then started making good for Colby, against my protests. So I went and stood in front of him, slowly rubbing his inner thighs. He smiled and pulled his paci out to kiss me sweetly. I smiled as I kissed him back and I continued to rub his inner thighs. He whimpered quietly and grabbed my hands pulling them up a little farther along his inner thighs until I stopped him.

"Not now baby. Maybe tomorrow" he whined louder and looked at me with big eyes just as devyn handed me Colby's dinner. "Come on princess you have to eat. Then maybe when you wake up I'll give you what you want."