Astral Convergences

Love makes us stronger

S pov

I've been driving for half an hour..the sun is strong today and it's bothering me..i feel a weird anxiety.i've been talking with my new manager and i liked the ideas.but now...i feel like my expectations for the future are suffocating me..it's not just for Youtube..it's that i feel insecure about me sometimes.i don't know if i'm gonna be where i wanna be or if i'll do things i like..I'm afraid that people will not like my work.i would love to learn to direct..but i don't know if i have any talent..i would like to take part in photo contests or in photo exhibitions..but then again i'm scared.i turn off the engine,parking in front of the beach..i get off of the car and walk to the shore.i sit by the sea and sigh..why is it complicated for me to take risks?i have this terrible feeling that i'll fail if i'll try..i need to speak with someone.i pull out the phone from the jacket and search for her contact.i wait for her to pick up..and after three rings,her voice echoes in my ear:

Vanessa: hey dude

S: hey what's up?

V: girl, it's been a week..what happened?

S: umm..it's that..i'm on a crisis

V: with Cari?!

S: with me..and my life

V: what do you mean?

S: i'm so tired of procrastinating..i..i wanna feel that sensation of fullness when i go to bed

V: it's easy..do something you love during the day

S: yeah..i..i'm scared.

V: of what?

S: to be unhappy.

she stays quiet for some seconds

V: Shannon..are you happy with Cari?

S: totally..this has nothing to do with her..i'm the happiest girl on earth..i'm having a daughter..and it's exactly for her that i want things to change.Cari is carrying a baby and working on her album and i...i wanna live up to her.

V: but Shannon..everyone has a unique route..you can't compare yourself to other people..

S: but..i'm having a daughter!i want to be a better person..and a good mother..i wanna take the next step in my life

V: you'll be a great mother..that won't change with this crisis

S: what i'm saying is that i want to be satisfied with myself..otherwise i'll become a sad woman.What will I teach my daughter?

V: okay..i get it..what do you want to do?

S: i'd love to learn new things

V: do it!

S: what if...people won't like my ideas or...

V: Shannon..you have to do what you love for yourself

S: what if i make mistakes?

V: you'll learn

i smile

S: i hate you

V: me too.

i stay quiet for a minute

S: there's another thing...how do i tell Cari that i'm going to take risks with photography and classes?she's pregnant..she can't take care of June and me.

V: you're so paranoid..she loves you and i'm sure she wants you to be happy..but don't quit Youtube or she's gonna murder you

i laugh

S: i didn't think to quit it..i'm a responsible woman

V: you're an idiot.you have everything..you're healthy,you have a job,an amazing woman who loves you..and soon a daughter who's gonna adore you