Logince Oneshots

[21] Burn Au

T.W. Anxiety/Panic Attack, Mentions of Wanting it All to Stop, and Throwing Up.

Logan sighed and looked at his best friend. He frowned as he saw the far off look in his eyes, his phone clutched in his hands. Maybe it was for the best, they shouldn't be friends, let alone anything more. His friend thought he was in love with someone else, someone he didn't know. He fell in love with words, and someone Logan wasn't. He fell in love with someone he hadn't ever seen, a false image in his head, and Logan felt guilty for leading him on.

"Roman?" Virgil snapped his fingers in front of Roman's face, pulling him from the trance he seemed to be in. Logan watched as his vision unclouded, yet he didn't seem to be up to talking. "Are you okay?"

He'd never intended for it to go on this far, he'd never intended to hurt Roman, not that Roman knew it was him who had hurt him. It was for the best, it had gone on too long, he had to end it, delete the chats so he wouldn't reminisce, or feel the guilt anymore. He deleted the app they used to text, and he stopped replying completely, not to mention their actual friendship was falling apart.

"I'm fine."

Liar. Logan wanted to scream at him, tell him to stop relying on his phone to form a relationship, to stop lying to his friends, to let them help, but, like always, he sat silently, observing and never talking. Of course he and Roman had text one another, but Roman wouldn't ever fall for him if he knew what he did to get close to him. He wouldn't ever love him, he was messed up, he didn't speak! Why would Roman love him? The thoughts brought tears to his eyes, and he had to fight them off.

Logan glanced at Virgil and Patton, who shared a look, knowing Roman wasn't fine, but he'd never admit it.

Tell them what's wrong, they love you.

Logan felt guilty for thinking about sending the text to Roman, but he didn't know what else to do. Roman wasn't going to open up, he wasn't going to let them in, and Logan didn't blame him. He'd offered his heart, only for Logan to smash it, and leave him broken. He shouldn't have ever done it. The guilt weighed him down, and there was nothing he could do about it.

His thumb hovered above the send button, unsure of whether to send it or not. He sighed, and saw a message come through from Roman.

What's wrong with me? Am I really that bad?

Logan's heart dropped, and he frowned at the text, deleting what he had already typed, and as he looked up, Roman met his gaze. Roman's bright, baby blue eyes glistened with tears, and before Logan could type out a reply and send it, Roman was up and gone from the table, leaving them all hurt.

I'm sorry

Logan didn't know what else to say. He didn't even know what he was apologising for! Maybe everything he did as 'L'. He wasn't even creative enough to come up with a name, so he left it as 'L'. Roman asked him countless times about it, but he brushed it off, and said it was a nickname, that his first name was irrelevant. He was sorry for everything, and he didn't know how to articulate it.

He held his phone tight, and glanced up at Virgil and Patton, who were lost in one another, giving him the chance to get up and leave. He didn't go in the same direction as Roman, in fact, he went in the opposite direction, and left, saying to the front desk that he felt sick, and needed to go home.

It wasn't all a lie, his head was spinning, and it hurt. The pain only magnified when he remembered what he had done, and the ache he felt over hurting Roman. On top of that, he had his own emotions to deal with, the never-ending sadness, the happiness he felt when Roman actually spoke to him even if he wouldn't reply, the guilt, and anger at himself. It all piled up, and he felt as though he was about to throw up. It was too overwhelming. He wanted to scream, and cry, and throw up, and do everything and nothing, but most of all, he wanted to leave, run away. They wouldn't notice him, he wouldn't be around to be a burden to them any longer.