Once again, as it takes a hold
I am aware, I'm not in control
I have a conscience and it's never fooled
But it's prone to being overruled.
•••
Coming back to New York, Finn didn't feel as excited as he usually was.
He walked up to the front counter at the center and watched as Cara gave Scout a treat. She looked up and gave him a smile as he signed his name in.
"I like the new hair," she said sweetly.
Finn nodded and shrugged, "Thought it was time for change."
"Change is always good. Have a nice day Finn."
He thanked her quickly and then set Scout down, the two of them walking towards Mark's room. As they reached the door Finn took a deep breath in, knowing that he was about to face a lot of shit.
"Finn!" Pia exclaimed as soon as he walked in. She got up and hugged him, placing a kiss on his cheek before pulling away.
"I was worried about you!" She said in an angry tone.
"What happened to your hair?" Grace spoke up.
Finn shrugged, "I dyed it."
"I can see that. Why?"
"Why not?" Finn asked back.
He looked next to Grace and saw Sadie. She gave him a weak smile and he walked up to her, "We have to talk."
Sadie nodded. Finn greeted Mark quickly before the two walked out of the room. Pia looked to Grace and she shrugged.
"Don't look at me, he's been out of control since the Met."
"More like out of control since Millie," Pia rolled her eyes.
Grace nodded. She looked to the door and sighed, knowing he was dealing with a lot right now. She just wished she could be more of a help. She already knew from experience that it was hard to help when the person didn't want it though.
•••
The day of the concert came quick.
Finn was nervous. He always grew anxious before these things despite having been doing it for years. Today was different though. Millie would be there, something he knew was exciting but overwhelming at the same time.
He would be performing songs that he knew were originally for her, and maybe that's what was making him nervous. She had heard them all before so why was it such a big deal?
He felt like shit. He had gotten there earlier than the rest of the band, hoping some time alone would help him relax a little. He paced the green room, his hands constantly running through his hair. He stopped by the mirror on the wall and groaned as he looked at his short purple curls.
What if she hated it, he thought to himself.
He knew he was never one to care for his appearance too much, but when it came to Millie it was different. He started to pace again, trying to desperately calm his nerves. He knew that only one thing could calm him down right now, but he knew it was wrong. He knew it could only end badly. I only need a little. A little and I can stop.
A little sip to relax.
He walked over to his bag, knowing well enough what was hidden in there. Thank God vodka was clear. He pulled out a water bottle and opened it up, swallowing roughly before closing his eyes and taking one big gulp.
