I sent you a postcard from Tokyo, baby
You never picked it up.
•••
Numb.
The deprivation of a feeling or sensation. The lack of responsiveness. Something Finn had grown all too familiar with over the past week.
All the life had been drained out of him, out of everyone really. Mark was the giver before, but without him there was nothing to give, and the people who were mourning were at the point of starvation.
The funeral was beautiful. No matter how much Mark's family tried to politely decline, Finn insisted that they get only the best for Mark. It's what he had always done. He had the money, so why not put it to good use?
"...the love of my life. Even after death we won't part."
Finn watched as Pia said her last words quietly. She stepped down from the podium and made her way towards the casket that held Mark's body. Silence encased the small crowd as she kissed her hand and lowered it to the shiny black case, her fingers brushing it softly.
The whole thing was unreal. They were going to lower Mark into the ground today and he still couldn't believe it. It felt like a nightmare that continued on and on, and Finn didn't think he'd ever wake up from it. He had his arm around Grace as she cried into his shoulder. Gaten sat next to them stiffly, his own eyes wet but his self-control a little stronger than Grace's. Millie was a seat behind them, her hand petting the sleeping dog in her lap. She watched the friends mourn but her eyes were mostly trained on Finn the entire time.
He didn't say a word as the services concluded. He hadn't said much at all for the past week since Mark had passed. He was in shock to say the least, the past days not being something that his mind or body could quite make sense of. Millie had visited quite often to his apartment to check up on him and to care for Scout, a feat that became more difficult as the days passed on. The paparazzi were practically having a party at the amount of pictures they had gotten of her entering Finn's apartment building. Not to mention the fact that Sadie hadn't been around much because she was caring for Grace. The stories being released were insane, but neither of them had paid any attention to that lately.
Finn watched as the whole place had cleared out. The few friends comforted Pia as she sat in her chair. Millie got up and placed her hand on Finn's shoulder as he sat alone. He didn't flinch. His eyes traveled up to the black casket sitting in front of them. He got up suddenly and Millie watched him as he made his way towards it.
He looked down with sullen eyes. Time felt like it had stopped over the last few days and he wasn't sure if it would ever start running normally anymore. He reached into his pocket slowly, his fingers playing with what he had put in there this morning.
Millie had no idea what he was doing. She didn't want to get up and disturb him as he stared blankly in front of him. He stuck his hand in his pocket before pulling out something that was rather crumbled up, like it had been held much too often.
"I've been carrying this around ever since I left Japan," Finn said softly so that only he could hear.
He flipped the postcard over in his hands carefully. The corners were folding and the pen he had written in days ago was worn down from how many times he had ran his fingers across them. The picture on the other side taunted him, his mind going back to Grace's words. Sure it was Mark who convinced him to go to Japan in the first place, but that didn't stop him from feeling guilty about it. He left him when he needed him and as hard as he was trying to not blame himself, the guilt was devouring him up piece by piece.
