By the Angel

Chapter 19

Clary Pov

I take off my jacket and pants, all the while Jace is staring at me. Once I'm back in my pajamas that he is obviously still a fan of I crawl into his bed, sliding under the covers.

He strips down to his boxers and lays beside me cradling my face into his hands.
"You look incredible, in fact mouthwatering." He says huskily. 

"You look pretty damn mouthwatering yourself," I say breathlessly. For two years I have prided myself on my self-control and now within days of meeting Jace Wayland I've lost every bit and strangely I'm perfectly okay with that.

He caresses my cheeks with his thumb as he gazes into my eyes, "you scared the shit out of me tonight Clary... I thought..."

"I'm sorry Jace, I just have nightmares, it's not really out of the ordinary for me, in fact, you might have to shove your hand over my mouth at some point tonight, " I joke trying to ease the tension.

"Clary," he says as serious as that day in Mrs. Roberts classroom, it almost feels like a lifetime ago, so much has happened since then but it's only been a day. How has so much happened in a little over twenty-four hours? "Will you tell me about that night?"

My breathing hitches as he takes me off guard.  I knew this would come but I didn't think it would be this soon. Seeing my panic, he shakes his head," I'm sorry Clary, I shouldn't have asked."

"No, I want you to know me," I say parroting his words from earlier. The smile I get in return is worth divulging into my past.

I slip out of his embrace and for a moment he looks hurt, "I can't have you looking at me while I tell you..." He nods in understanding and then sits up. Before I know it my head is resting on his thighs as he ever so gently twirls his fingers through my hair. I stare up at the ceiling as I start to reveal every single detail of that night. Specifics that I have never spoken of before now. 

                                          
"Clary, are you sure you're going to be alright? My sister can wait an extra five minutes, it's really no big deal, I don't want you walking home alone at night."

"Simon, you live less than a mile from my house, I'll be just fine, I promise you, you just worry too much, besides," I say as I pat my stomach," after eating half of a pizza I could really use the workout."

"Clary," Simon scolds, "It's too dangerous, this is New York!"

"It's the suburbs Simon and trust me the only danger that's waiting on me is at my home not on the streets."

He grimaces as I say it and I feel guilty. I feel like I'm always complaining about my home life, I should probably stop but I don't know if I can.  Ever since Valentine came home for good, things have been different... or I guess the same as it always has been when he came home but now more frequent. I miss the days when he only came home once or twice a year.

Going that long without seeing him I could almost forget the things he has done. To pretend away the pain, there is no pretending now. He's here all the time, causing me agony every day both mentally and physically and I'm so damn tired. But my issues are not Simons problem and I wish I would stop opening my mouth.

"Simon, I will be so angry with you if you don't leave right now, in fact, If you don't leave right now to go pick up your sister, I'll lash out and kick you."

"Okay, okay, she's always getting herself into trouble. I better go rescue her before things get worse. "

"Go be the hero," I say as I kiss him on the cheek and walk out the door.
There's a chill in the air so I wrap my arms around myself as I walk down his driveway and turn the corner. I open up the flashlight app on my phone letting the bright illuminating light be my guide. I didn't realize it was this dark already. Damn daylight savings always fucking shit up.

I would be lying if I said my bravado from moments earlier wasn't faltering just a little bit as I walk further and further into the darkness. Maybe this wasn't my brightest idea, but Simons sister needed him, and I can take care of myself.

Don't be a baby Fray! I think to myself. That's what Valentine calls me every time I cry as he hits me with that belt or whatever else he could get his hands on to do the job. When I cry, it makes it so much worse but that doesn't ever stop the tears from spilling over or my mom from intervening. 

She just sits in the kitchen, humming her favorite tunes as I scream my lungs out for her to do something, anything. She lives in a state of denial, where her husband doesn't beat the ever-loving shit out of her daughter every single day. She lives in a fantasy that we are the perfect family. Everyone from the outside looking in believes the same, it makes me sick.

I've stopped asking for help because I know it won't do any good. I'm not even convinced she hears me at all through the lies she tells herself. It's like he has her brainwashed. She calls it "discipline." Only to be punished wouldn't you had to have done something wrong? My only crime is breathing too loud or eating too much of the food. My main offense seems to be simply existing.

I shake my head trying to get the thoughts out of my head, I'm tortured enough at home, I can't let him control my thoughts when I'm alone as well. That's when he has truly won.

A sudden chill runs down my spine as a voice sounds from behind me, "Clary Fray?"
I freeze as the goosebumps start to run up and down my arms. I slowly turn around to match the face belonging to that creepy yet familiar voice.

I don't know what made me think I recognized his voice because I certainly would have remembered meeting him. He's tall and lanky with white blonde hair that stands out alongside the moonlight. His eyes are a soulless black.

It dawns on me that he knows my name, I don't know how or why but that can only mean something awful.

"Who wants to know?" I ask trying to seem unbothered. He smiles up at me then as he walks towards me. A wicked grin that tells me he does terrible things without batting one of those long eyelashes.

"Look, I don't want any trouble, " I say turning around in a sprint. I get maybe a hundred feet before his hands are wrapped around my neck, cutting off my circulation. His lips hover over my ear, I can feel his icy breath and it makes me want to vomit. "That's too bad Clarissa because I do."

Thanks so much for reading loves! Don't forget to vote and comment if you enjoyed! The rest of this flashback will be posted tomorrow. ♥️
Published 3/4/19