By the Angel

Chapter 38

I just killed someone, I just fucking killed someone.

I should feel horrible right? I should feel disgusted or sick but I don't, not even a little bit, I don't want to know what that says about me as a person, nothing good.

I mean he deserved it and it was in self-defense... kinda sort-of but I should feel something, it scares me that I don't.

I drop the bloody branch, as I back away from the body, those images will never leave my mind.  I had no choice, if I let him live he would have killed Jace, my family, me.

Nobody threatens my family, nobody threatens me, I'm done. Part of me wants to go after Johnathan to but I have to get out of here. Only one problem, I don't know where out of here is and there's only one choice. Run back to the car and pray he's still out of it, pickpocket him and drive back to my family, assuming I can even find the damn car.
Maybe I should kill him if he still knocked out...

No, killing someone while they are unconscious is pathetic and cowardly two things I will never be, not again. If I killed him like that I would be no better than him.

I take off in the direction I hope is where I came from but in the darkness, I'm easily turned around. Every few feet I think I recognize a certain tree I passed as I was running into the forest but I'm only fooling myself because they all look the damn same.

I keep hearing things, the footsteps of whatever kind of creatures are out here, creatures I want nothing to do with, I hope it's an animal and not... him.

I'm sure my brother has some diabolical plan for me, that's why he didn't want me to be killed. But if he isn't taking orders from Valentine... who is he taking orders from? Or is just acting on his own accord now?

Probably the latter, he doesn't need my father to tell him how to be an evil piece of shit, it just comes to him naturally.

He didn't take my family or Jace, he only took me and for that, I feel the slightest bit grateful, I might be in danger, I don't know what's in store for me but my family is safe for the time being.

"I'm so sorry, I have no choice," his meaningless words play over and over again rattling my brain. It's such utter shit! No choice? Everything is a choice, unless you're being kidnapped. That's what not having a choice is like! My first curl at my sides as my rage consumes me but that's good, rage is a great distraction. I would rather be angry than scared and right now I'm thankful it's keeping my fear in the background.

Part of me, the really naive part of me is even more curious about the apology. Why apologize to me? Does he feel guilty? Does me being his sister give him some sort of morals?

Of course not, more mind games. Like father like son. Better not put too much thought into the mind of a psychopathic maniac.

I will not take the bait.

"Clary!"
For less than a second, I think it's Jace, as if their voices even sound the same, chalk it up to the drugs still being in my system. Just for a moment, I thought... but no, that's not the angelic yet raspy voice I've grown accustomed to, it's Johnathan.

As I turn, he barrels into me, at first I think he's tackling me to the ground but to my horror, he embraces me. That's infinitely worse, I would much rather him fight me. That I could handle but this? How do I handle this?

"Clary! I'm so glad you're okay when I came to I was so worried about you. I should have known you would dispose of that trash," he spits.

"And how are you any better Johnathan? You kidnapped me."

"Because I love you, little sister," he says as he hugs me to his chest. I've always always wanted a brother, a sister, any sibling that would understand me. Even though wishing this life, my childhood with Valentine on anyone else is selfish. It's probably the most selfish thoughts I've ever had but I had them... I still have them.

I wished every night that I had a brother... until I found out just who fate had presented to share my blood.

What's that saying be careful what you wish for? It's true, because I got what I wished for and it ruined my life or at least part of it.
"Clary," he says tightening his grip, "I'm doing this for your protection."

My first connects with his jaw and he releases me. Finally, I feel like I can breathe I was suffocating in his disgusting arms.

"Don't touch me!"
He holds up his hands," you're right, I'm sorry. His hand comes up and I feel a slight pinch in my neck.

"When you wake up, I'll tell you anything you want, I promise sister." For the third time tonight the world goes black and I feel his arms wrap around me before I hit the ground. I wish he would have just let me fall.

Even the thought of him putting his hands on me wants to make me puke.

****************

I keep regaining consciousness for brief moments at a time. Each time I try to focus my sight on as many things as possible but it's easier said than done.

The second time my eyes open I'm aware of a pillow under my head and a blanket wrapped around my body. I wish he wouldn't pretend like he gives a damn about me.

The things I'm certain of...
I'm in a car again, that much is clear. I wonder if he knows I get motion sickness?
I hope I puke all over these leather seats.
Second, it's still nightfall but whether it's the same night as before I do not know. I hope days haven't gone by... my family will be so worried.
That's all I can tell which isn't much at all.

I think about trying to grab the steering wheel from him, but I can't move my fingers let alone my body.

I try with everything I have to move my toes, my hands, anything but I can't. I can only blink and lie here useless like a vegetable.

His phone starts ringing and he answers it furiously, " what!" He screams so loud I almost jump. Probably would have if I was actually mobile. I can't help but wonder who is on the other line.

"You'll never find her, do you hear me? I won't let you destroy her as you did with me. She will never be yours. Clary is a warrior, she's so strong and kind, you won't take that away from her."

So it's my father then, isn't it? Well, at least we have a mutual enemy.

He chuckles, "go ahead and tear New York apart, your threats don't scare me, not anymore. Not now that I have your only leverage. For too long, I let your threats on her life dictate my every move, not anymore."

He hangs up the phone and tosses it in the passenger seat. "Evil bastard," he spits.

The car comes to a stop, filling me with dread. Have we arrived at his destination? Is he finally going to kill me? He opens the door and his hands are on me. Before I can freak out too much I realize what he's doing. He adjusts the blanket that covers my shoulders.

His cold hands are on my head moving my hair to reveal the gash. He unwraps the bandages and then curses. I feel a cold gel-like substance spread all over the wound. And as much as I would hate to admit it it does help lessen the pain.

So he wants to heal the wound he caused?

Without thinking I open my eyes to stare right into those menacingly black eyes. I just want him to stop touching me. I don't care if he is helping me, I would rather bleed out than have to feel his hands on me again.

"Clary? How are you awake?"

He doesn't want an answer though because I feel a stinging in my neck again followed by the darkness that is becoming more than familiar.

Thanks for reading Angels! Please don't forget to vote and comment! Your support makes me want to continue this story that much more! ♥️ Also, I officially have every name changed! Remember this version on Wattpad isn't going anywhere ever. I had a few people worry about that but don't sweat I wouldn't do that! I'll post the full list next time! I'm very sleepy lol. Love you Angels stay wonderful.

Published 4/25/19