By the Angel

Chapter 40

Clary's POV

I wake up wrapped in silk sheets and for the briefest of moments, I find comfort in the sleepy haze. For a split second, I imagine this was all just a nightmare and that my hands are wrapped around Jace's waist but it's not Jace's hands I'm grasping its a fucking pillow.

I open my eyes and instantly wish I hadn't, bars surround me from every angle.

I'm in a cell, he put me in a damn cell!

I take in my prison surroundings, the bed I'm currently lying on is a double with black silk sheets and a matching comforter, there's a bookshelf filled to the brim with books, as I look closer I notice all my favorites, in fact... It's every single book that was on my own bookshelf back at Valentine's.

Douchebag highjacked my room.

"Sister! You're awake! How do you feel?"

He's got to be kidding right? Oh, I'm doing peachy! Just chilling out in my new fucking prison.

"Sorry, don't answer that, stupid question."

"You bring the term stalker to a whole new level of creepy Johnathan." He's looking at me like I'm some sort of hero or something and if he doesn't stop I'll spit in his face. Not much I can do in here but I'm pretty sure I can hock a loogie from this distance.

For the first time, I notice the mittens on my hands, "what's this?" I say holding up my fingers," you need to cover my fingerprints?"

"Sorry, I had to handcuff you and I didn't want the harsh metal to chafe your wrists."

"Awe, you're a kidnapper with a heart of gold Johnathan." He chuckles and it only fuels my anger, " is the girl that's trapped in a metal box amusing to you brother?"

"I wasn't laughing at you I swear it's just... I like your sense of humor."

"Why am I here? Is your plan to kill me? Just go ahead and do it then! I would rather slit my own throat than stand here with you!" I scream so loud my voice echos through the walls.

"You must really hate me, " he says looking almost sad.
Ha! Nice try psycho!

"Well gee Johnathan, why would I ever hold any ill feelings towards you? You only, " I say as I walk up to him and wrap my fingers around the metal, " beat me until I was gasping for air, taunted me as I bled out, you only left me for dead. I wonder how on earth I could hate a brother like that. In fact, you should win the brother of the year award!"

"I deserve that, I'm so sorry Clary more than you could ever know, I had no choice to take you, Valentine will come for you when you refuse him. I just want to keep you safe, I need to keep you out of harm's way, I was betrayed by Sebastian and that's when I knew I was out of time. Clary, I wanted you to have a normal life but there is a price on your head now and I can't wait on your life to get claimed by the highest bidder. You're safe here, nobody knows about this hideout."

"Where are we Johnathan, I don't care about your lies, if you truly care about me you will let me out of here."

"We're in Alaska and there's a blizzard outside there is no leaving. I'm sorry but your safety is my top priority, I can only ensure that here. Ever since I've known of your existence I've done nothing but protect you."

His words ignite my fury, even more, I just want to wring his neck if only I could reach him. I'm so sick of hearing his lies, I don't know what his angle is. He already has me here trapped like his little pet, at this point playing the protective big brother role doesn't make a lot of sense.

"I used to dream about having a big brother to protect me but instead I got one I needed protecting from. You bashed me in the head yesterday! Or two days ago I don't even know how long I've been knocked out for! Then you lock me in a cage? That's how you protect me? I'll take my chances in the blizzard."

"Clary, I'll tell you anything you want to know just let me explain, I just want to talk."

"No!" I scream my anger at a full boil, " you can speak when I'm finished! You stalked me for two years, every time I close my eyes I see myself die and I have you to thank for that. You and my father, you don't care about me. You're just like him if you haven't killed me yet its because you want to use me, so what do you want Johnathan? And stop with the brother shit, you're my family by the blood that's all. "

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding suddenly feeling light-headed.
"Clary, can I please try to explain?"

I wave my hand in front of me, " well it's not like I'm going anywhere."

He sits down at my cell surprising me, " I don't want anything from you alright? Other than your safety... actually that's not entirely true, I want to make things right, I want a chance to be your brother, the one you deserve but I know that's far too much and I would never ask that of you. I was a monster Clary, I was a trouble maker turned ruthless killer at the manipulation of our father. All I can do now is try to atone for my sins but I've committed far too many evil acts to ever tip that scale in my favor but that won't stop me from trying. You saved me, Clary and I will do right by you."

I'm at a loss for words, am I really sitting here listening to this garbage and worse believing it? I find myself struggling with want and hate. I hate him for what he did to me, I hate him for what he did to others. But at the same time, I want his words to be true, I want to ask him if we have matching scars, I want to share stories about our childhoods with Valentine because we alone could understand each other's trauma. There are things that happened to me I still can't face. The worst part about all of this is how hard it is for me to hate him. How I wish more than anything that things could be different. Having a brother during the bad times is all I ever wanted and if I'm honest with myself I still want that.

But things aren't different.

"and Clary? There is one more thing..."

"What?" I say too physically and emotionally exhausted to come up with a snarky reply.

"Sebastian is the one who hit you... that's the main reason why you're here. The time has come and Valentine is sending his men after you, a lot of my men as well while he's at it."

"My friend Sebastian? No, that's impossible. I don't understand he can't... he wouldn't, you're lying!"

"I wish I were Clary but I'm not."

"Why would he do that to me?"I ask not wanting to believe it.

"He wasn't always working for Valentine, in fact, the last two years he's been doing everything in his power to help you but..." he trails off not wanting to finish the sentence.

"but I started dating Jace." I finish for him.

He nods, " the line between love and hate isn't always as blurred as one might think, sister."

I knew he didn't like Jace and I knew he had a crush on me but to work for my father? Just to spite me for being with someone else? He's no better than either of his employers.

"If he couldn't have you no one could. That's what he said to me when I interrupted his attack on you. As soon as he saw me he ran like the sniveling coward he is."

I want to argue, I want to defend my friend but I don't, a part of me knows he's telling the truth at least as far a Sebastian is concerned. I thought I saw a flash of black as that bottle came crashing down on my head, I had just chalked it up to delusion but now I know. I was seeing a flash of his black as night hair. It was him.

I should be used to the feeling of betrayal by someone I care about at this point but the knife wedged in my back hurts all the same.

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